


all we do

by NkG



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2yeon ft. their long suffering friend park jihyo, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I promise, OT9 featured, There will be side ships, but there's a happy ending, cameos of other groups, cuz the water is very clear, twice as an intramural volleyball team, which is probably why it turned out angstier than it was supposed to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25550164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NkG/pseuds/NkG
Summary: Nayeon made it clear that she didn’t need or want Jeongyeon. That was fine.Jeongyeon learned to live without Nayeon once before, she’ll do it again.She didn’t need Im Nayeon. She didn’t.She really didn’t.So who would have thought Jihyo’s competitive nature and intramural volleyball would change that.(College/Sportish AU, 2yeon centric with a dash of other pairings)
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 31
Kudos: 81





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redexo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redexo/gifts).



> For redexo since this fic was inspired by a gif they posted on Twitter! If you want to see the gif/original prompt, feel free to visit me at @gow_ah. I'll have it pinned so yalls can view it for reference.

**Prologue**

* * *

** >>> _all i wanna be is whites and waves_** **< <<**

* * *

**_Fall Semester of 2016_ **

Jihyo had loved her childhood. She’d grown up with the two best people by her side: Im Nayeon and Yoo Jeongyeon. 

Nayeon was the oldest, definitely the loudest and the brattiest, but she was the kindest person Jihyo knew. Nayeon had always gone above and beyond for others, especially those she loved. 

Jeongyeon was only a year older than her and had a horrible sense of humor, but Jihyo had never known anyone as caring as the older girl. Jeongyeon often put others first, even before herself.

She grew up chasing after them, always wanting to be like them. She grew up watching them fall in love, grew up watching Nayeon and Jeongyeon become _NayeonandJeongyeon_. They taught her that children _weren’t_ too young to know what love was because if there was a single truth that Jihyo knew to be absolute, it was that Nayeon and Jeongyeon loved each other and that they loved her. 

She held onto this truth even when Jeongyeon moved away. Held onto it even when Nayeon stopped talking about Jeongyeon and Jeongyeon about Nayeon. Jihyo never once stopped believing that the three of them didn’t love each other. That the three of them would always be friends. Even now as Nayeon heartbreakingly denied knowing Jeongyeon and Jeongyeon indignantly ignored Nayeon. 

But Jihyo knew better. She knew why the oldest came to Korea University against her mother’s wishes, leaving behind her responsibility to run the Im family business. She knew why Nayeon came to Seoul. If there was anything in this universe that could lure Nayeon away from her family and their small town, it was Yoo Jeongyeon. 

And even now, Jihyo knew better. Even with the anger radiating off of Jeongyeon, even as harsh lines formed on the older girl’s face and thin lips etched into a frown. 

Jihyo knew that Jeongyeon still loved and cared for Nayeon. She just wished they would tell her what happened between them. What _broke_ them. 

What broke _NayeonandJeongyeon_. 

But like always, they were trying to protect her. However, Jihyo wasn’t a kid anymore. She wasn’t the same little girl chasing after them, always just waiting and watching for them to lead her. It was time she protected them, even if it meant protecting them from themselves.

Sucking in a deep breath, she grabbed Jeongyeon’s hands and clutched them against her chest. She ignored all the students around them in the cafe. It was full today so hopefully no one was bearing witness to Jihyo’s embarrassing act.

“Please, Jeong!” Jihyo put on her best pout, lips quivering and eyes widening until they were as round as possible. “ _Please_! No one else wanted to join my intramural team! I need four more people since the tournament needs a minimum of five players on the court!” 

It was a lie that no one else wanted to join, but Jeongyeon didn’t need to know that. Everything else was true, though, so Jihyo didn’t feel that bad about the white lie.

Despite the long years that separated them, Jihyo could still read Jeongyeon enough to know that she’d won because even as the frown deepened, the harsh lines disappeared. With a sigh, the older girl tugged at her captured hands.

“Yah, when did you get so annoying?” Another tug, another sigh. “You weren’t such a brat before I moved to Seoul. I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with Na—” The frowning lips pursed together, cutting off the name.

And that was another issue. Jeongyeon didn’t say Nayeon’s name anymore. Jihyo tried not to let her grin fade as she freed the older girl’s hands. 

“I’m not a brat!” She quickly put in before the other girl could relapse into emo Jeongyeon. She was _so_ close. “And please, Jeongyeon.” A pause as she reached for the older girl’s hand again. “I _need_ you, unnie.”

Another sigh and Jihyo knew she won. She held back the grin as Jeongyeon fought free from her grasp and snatched up the clipboard from the table. The older girl mumbled something, probably calling Jihyo a brat again, but she didn’t care. The first step of Operation Najeong was successful. 

Now she just needed to get Nayeon to agree to join too and—

“Don’t you need five people to play?”

Jihyo’s heart picked up as she took the clipboard back from Jeongyeon. 

“Yup! I actually have a couple of other people on my list! I know Nayeon unnie and her friends—“

“I have two people in mind already so you don’t need them.” 

And there goes Operation Najeong. Jihyo’s mouth fell open, but Jeongyeon ignored her as she took the clipboard back, the older girl scribbling something before shoving it back into her still open hands.

This was not part of the plan. “What? B-but I already asked and they—”

“I thought you said no one else wanted to join?” Jeongyeon narrowed her eyes.

Jihyo snapped her mouth shut, heart pounding as she let out a laugh that she hoped didn’t reveal her sudden nerves. “I mean that I was _going_ to ask, but you know, it would be more fun if we got to know Nayeon and her friends—”

“I’m not playing for your team if they are a part of it, Jihyo.”

Shit. Jihyo quickly leaned into the table, clipboard squashing between her chest as it pushed her food tray closer to Jeongyeon. 

“But we still need one more person, even with your friends!” She licked her lips, straightening and clenching her fingers around the clipboard. “Can I just ask Nayeon…”

Her words faded with the look Jeongyeon shot her. But Jihyo was probably not doing a good job at concealing the sudden hurt that coursed through her at the harsh look since the older girl’s features soften.

“Jihyo, I know you mean well, but trust me,” the older girl began putting her chopsticks and spoon away onto her tray, “it’s better if Im and I stay away from each other.”

The hurt from before was nothing compared to the hurt now as Jihyo finally saw the pain on Jeongyeon’s face as she talked about Nayeon. Swallowing, she pulled her tray back and straightened.

“But I still need one more person,” Jihyo mumbled, pulling the clipboard against her chest as if it would shield her from Jeongyeon’s everlasting pain.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out since you apparently already have a list of people to ask,” Jeongyeon said with a sigh before picking up her tray. “I’ll see you later, Hyo.”

“Jeong,” Jihyo began but the older girl was already walking away.

She let out a loud groan, slamming the clipboard on the table.

She followed it with her head.

…

When the door to her dorm opened, she didn’t even have the energy to lift her head from the desk. It’s been a month now, but Jihyo still felt very shy around her even shyer roommate. It didn’t help that the other girl was undeniably beautiful.

“Jihyo-ssi?” The concern coloring the soft voice caused her heart to skip a beat.

Lifting her head, Jihyo turned towards the voice, but any and all words of assurance escaped her. Did she mention that her roommate was beautiful?

Swallowing down the sudden heartbeat in her throat, Jihyo straightened in her seat, moving the clipboard to the corner of her desk. She turned her body, scooting the chair back.

“Mina-ssi!” She quickly cleared her throat, trying to control the sudden blush rising in her cheeks. “I, uh, how was your day?”

The Japanese girl’s gummy smile sent Jihyo’s heart racing. “It was good. Thanks for asking, Jihyo-ssi.” Mina set down her backpack and walked over. “What about you? Is everything alright?”

“Oh, it was fine. I mean, not fine, but it went well.” Jihyo scratched the sudden itch on her head, eyes falling away as Mina got closer. “I just—do you remember my plan involving my childhood friends?”

“Jeongyeon and Nayeon, right?” 

Jihyo blinked, her hand falling back to her side. She didn’t think Mina would remember their names. Nodding, she licked her lips before continuing, “Yes! Nayeon and Jeongyeon!”

“You’re really set on getting them back together, aren’t you?” The Japanese girl leaned her hip against Jihyo’s desk, loosely crossing her arms as she tilted her head at Jihyo.

Jihyo nodded again, scooting back her chair. From this distance, she caught a whiff of Mina’s scent. It was a subtle, something she couldn’t put a finger on but knew it was familiar. Realizing she was still nodding, Jihyo forced her head still.

“Of course!” She settled her fidgeting hands on her lap. “I didn’t think Joohyun unnie’s idea would work, but Jeongyeon actually agreed to join my volleyball team, but…” She sighed, fingers twisting her shirt as she closed her eyes. “Jeongyeon signed up two of her friends, but Jeongyeon said she wouldn’t join my team if Nayeon unnie was on it so I don’t know what to do now because I still need one more player!”

She heard a noise close to her and opened her eyes. She blinked, fingers loosening from her shirt as she watched Mina pick up the clipboard, the other girl’s lips parting into an ‘O’ as brown eyes widened.

“I’ll join,” Mina’s soft voice murmured, lithe fingers already picking up the pen on Jihyo’s desk. The scratching of pen against paper filled her ears as she stood up, heart pounding.

“Wha—Mina, you don’t have to join,” Jihyo began hands hovering over the clipboard as her stomach rolled. “I know you’re really busy with your classes and labs!”

Mina shook her head, placing the clipboard firmly into Jihyo’s hands as their eyes met. But Mina looked away quickly, fiddling with the pen in her hand.

“No no no! I… I want to help, Jihyo-ssi.” Then the other girl’s cheeks reddened and Jihyo’s breath caught at the sight of the blush. “And if Hirai-san can take time off from her dance practice, then I can do the same with my studies.”

Heart pounding, Jihyo broke eye contact to look down at the list. She hadn’t actually looked at the two names Jeongyeon added, but sure enough there was a ‘Hirai Momo’ and right below that was ‘Minatozaki Sana’ followed by ‘Myoui Mina’. She had met Jeongyeon’s friends only once and it was a quick introduction. She hadn’t really caught who was who, but Jihyo remembered both being exceptionally beautiful girls. 

_Hirai-san_ was definitely worth missing some studying time.

Jihyo nodded vigorously, trying to ignore the sudden tugging on her heart as she avoided looking at Mina. “Oh. Yea. Okay. Makes sense. I, uh, I should go and officiate this before it’s too late.” She grabbed her jacket, but then remembered how hot it was today and put it back. “Thanks Mina! I’ll just—yea. Thanks again!”

She quickly tried to make her escape, moving across the room to the door.

“By the way, Jihyo-ssi,” Mina’s voice pulled her back, “what’s the name of our team?” 

She turned around and met Mina’s eyes. At the gummy smile, Jihyo felt something grow and take root in her. Clutching the clipboard to her chest, she felt for the door knob. Her fingers tightened around the cool metal knob once she found it.

She had always wondered what falling in love felt like. It was hard not to with friends like Nayeon and Jeongyeon. She’d grown up watching the two older girls fall in love, always wondering if she’ll ever have someone who would look at her the way Nayeon looked at Jeongyeon, who would hold her hands without being asked the way Jeongyeon did for Nayeon. Who would _get_ her the way Nayeon and Jeongyeon got each other.

She had always wondered what kind of person she would fall for and it was almost cruel that it would happen now when she was finally reunited with Jeongyeon and Nayeon… when Nayeon and Jeongyeon were no longer together.

How could Jihyo focus on the feelings blooming in her heart when Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s hearts were wilting? And did it matter? 

Not with the blush still on Mina’s cheeks.

She swallowed the sudden lump forming in her throat, tearing her gaze away from the brown eyes. Pushing away the butterflies in her stomach, Jihyo answered the other girl. 

“Twice!” She forced a smile. “We’re Twice!”

As she opened the door, escaping the other girl’s consuming presence, she could only wonder at how she was going to deal with Nayeon and Jeongyeon while also dealing with Mina and this ‘Hirai-san.”

She really needed to do something about this stupid crush. There were more important things to focus on like getting her best friends back together. Plus what chance did Jihyo have at love if Nayeon and Jeongyeon didn’t work out.

**:::**

**_Spring Semester of 2019_ **

Jihyo groaned, head hitting her desk. She covered her head with her arms, screaming internally. The tournament’s roster was out and upon realizing who was still playing this year, she wanted to pull her hair. 

“This scene feels nostalgic.” Her heart skipped a beat at the voice. 

Some things just never change, huh?

Sighing, Jihyo lifted up her head and ignored the clipboard at her desk. She met Mina’s brown eyes with a pout.

“Joohyun unnie is still playing!” She threw her hands up into the air and felt her cheeks grow warm as Mina giggled. “I thought Red Velvet was for sure skipping this tournament since their fifth player left!” 

Her ex-roommate shook her head, lips pursing and nose wrinkling in what Jihyo knew to be the sign of the other girl’s ‘exasperated but fond’ look. Jihyo licked her lips as Mina walked away from the open door and entered her room. She scooted back her chair, watching as the other girl picked up the clipboard and scanned the roster. 

After another minute of silence, Mina finally looked up, meeting Jihyo’s eyes over the clipboard. “Hmm, it’s a good thing Nayeon unnie got Blackpink to start practicing with us then.”

“But will that be enough?” Jihyo crossed her arms, tilting back in her chair.

Mina set the clipboard down and then scooted herself onto Jihyo’s desk until she was facing Jihyo. Their legs touched and Jihyo fought the urge to sit back down so she could be even closer. 

“It’ll be enough.” Elegant lithe fingers gripped the edge of the desk as Mina’s lips lifted in the corners. “We’re eight members now, Jihyo, and you’ve led us well. With more practice, Chaeyoung and Dahyun will be unstoppable and everyone else has been training hard for this tournament.”

Jihyo started down at the pale fingers gripping her desk, voice growing soft as she finally voiced her real fear. “What if Jeongyeonie finally leaves, though?”

“She won’t. She didn’t leave when Nayeon joined us after your accident and she didn’t leave when Nayeon stayed.” A sigh was heard above her. “What’s actually bothering you, Jihyo-yah?”

She tightened her arms around herself. “It’s her last year, Mina, and I don’t even know if she’s going to stay with the team after she is done with her undergrad. Nayeon stayed, but that’s because Nayeon enjoys volleyball as much as I do and… and… _they’re still not okay, Minari._ ”

It’s been almost three years and Jihyo was nowhere closer to getting her best friends back together. Jeonyeon was still so angry and obviously hurting while Nayeon tried to pretend everything was okay.

“Jihyo,” the fingers gripping the desk unfurled around the edges, “maybe it’s time to let them figure this out instead?”

Soft hands pulled her forward, warm fingers against her shoulders as the legs of her chair rested back on the floor and she was pulled in between Mina’s legs. Jihyo let out a deep breath as she unwrapped her arms from where they had been and instead curled them around Mina. The other girl ran one hand through her hair and Jihyo dug her face into a warm shoulder, taking in the familiar scent.

It was the sea. Mina smelled like the sea.

“I can’t though, Minari,” Jihyo mumbled against the soft fabric of Mina’s shirt. “How can I be okay when they’re both not? Jeongyeon… Jeongyeon used to laugh so much. She used to smile more.” She laughed into Mina’s shoulder. “She had pulled pranks on Nayeon unnie and I all the time, you know?”

The fingers in her hair ran over the nape of her neck. “Jeongyeon unnie? But she’s so… serious.”

“She used to not be, though. I mean,” Jihyo pulled away and looked up into brown eyes, “she’s always been the responsible one because Lord knows Nayeon unnie can’t be.” Mina’s giggle sent butterflies into her stomach and she smiled up at the other girl. “And Nayeon unnie… she was so happy, Minari. _So_ happy. She didn’t try so hard to be fine and-and she wouldn’t… she wouldn’t be like now, where she is always so scared of being around Jeongyeon.” Of _hurting_ Jeongyeon.

“And if being together doesn’t change this, Jihyo?”

She shook her head, arms tightening around Mina. “It’s Nayeon and Jeongyeon. When they’re together…” _Anything and everything was possible._

The fingers in her hair rested on top of her head, Mina’s eyes softening. “Okay. Then that means we need to bring the team into this.” Her eyes widened and Mina’s other hand lifted from her shoulder to her neck. “Jihyo, it’s time to enlist the help of everyone.”

“No, this is my responsibility—“

“We love them too, you know?” The fingers on her neck moved to cup her cheeks and Jihyo sighed into the warmth, eyes closing. “We also want to see them happy and if bringing them back together, as friends or as lovers, is what it takes, I know everyone else will want to help.”

And the thought of sharing this task, this responsibility that had weighed on her for so long, sounded so tempting. If Mina had asked in the beginning, Jihyo would have been against the idea. But maybe that’s why Mina was asking now. Now when time felt like it was running out, now when Jihyo was tired and so jaded.

Slowly nodding, Jihyo opened her eyes and looked up into brown eyes. 

“Okay,” she breathed against the fingers against her lips. 

Mina smiled, leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “Okay.”

It seems like Operation Najeong was being updated and a new team was required. Jihyo was okay with that. It might take all of Twice to keep Twice together, after all.

Letting out a sigh, she pressed a kiss on the fingers still against her lips before regretfully pulling away. She leaned back into her chair, Mina’s hands falling back to the other girl’s side.

“By the way, was there a reason why you came to my room?”

A blush blossomed up Mina’s neck. 

“Oh. Yes, that.” Jihyo suppressed her grin as the other girl began fidgeting. “We were wondering if you were joining us tonight.”

“So _you_ were the tribute.” The grin broke free. “You both should already know I would.”

“But you didn’t the past few nights.” Mina’s pout was cute.

Jihyo sighed, her lips turning into a half smile. “You know why I couldn’t. We can’t let—“

“Nayeon and Jeongyeon know. I know.” 

Mina sighed and jumped off the desk, arms wrapping around herself as her gaze turned to the floor. Jihyo frowned, scooting back. She twisted in her chair to better face her girlfriend.

“Mina,” she began, but the other girl shook her head.

“I get it. I do. We both do. Just,” the Japanese girl sighed and stepped away, arms falling back to her side, “I can’t wait for the day when you finally can focus on your own happiness, Jihyo.”

Biting her lips, Jihyo looked down at her desk. “I’m sorry, Mina.”

“Don’t be.” Warm fingers ran through her hair. “Part of what we love about you is how much you love the people you love, Jihyo.” 

Jihyo pursed her lips, sighing before she repeated, “I’m sorry.”

Soft lifts pressed against her hair.

“It’ll be okay, Jihyo.” A breath against her ears. “So don’t worry about it. Let’s just prepare for our first practice with Blackpink tomorrow. Okay?”

Swallowing audibly, Jihyo nodded. 

“Okay.”

Okay. It’ll be okay.


	2. upside down

**Chapter 1**

* * *

**> >> ** _i've been upside down_ **< <<**

* * *

Jeongyeon hated volleyball with a passion.

She hated it even more when she had to play on the same court as Im Nayeon. 

The older girl will be the death of her. It especially didn’t help that Nayeon was playing with Blackpink for this particular practice, which meant the older girl had taken to using Jeongyeon as a target practice.

Sometimes, Jeongyeon couldn’t believe that this was the same girl she grew up with. Couldn’t believe that there was a time when she wasn’t just Jeongyeon and Nayeon wasn’t just Nayeon. 

That once long ago, it had been _NayeonandJeongyeon_.

She let out a deep breath, eyes watching as the ball flew towards her. From the other side of the court, Jihyo’s voice echoed in the midst of her thoughts. Jeongyeon’s mind swam past a river of memories before steadying herself, arms at the ready. 

One chance, that’s all she had. One chance to pass the ball to Mina so that the biology student could set it for their secret ace. She could feel Chaeyoung’s eyes on her, feel the excitement rolling off the younger girl from across the court. 

As the ball met her forearms and flew towards the net, Jeongyeon didn’t need to look to know that Chaeyoung was already running. A smile formed on her lips, eyes watching as Mina set the ball, watched as it arched perfectly in the air and Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung was already there, already at the net, and with a swing of her right arm, the ball— 

—smashed into Jeongyeon’s face.

The air was knocked out of her, pain erupting across her head as she staggered back into Sana. The sociology student’s frantic voice left a strange ringing in her ears. Jeongyeon tried to breathe. She couldn’t really understand what Sana was saying, but then Mina was in her face, tapping her cheeks. 

“Why can’t Nayeon unnie play like this in our actual games?” Another tap to her cheeks, before Mina whispered, “what did you do by the way? She’s been aiming at you this whole practi...”

At the mention of the source behind her pain, Jeongyeon finally snapped out of her daze. Sucking in a sharp breath, she pushed Mina out of the way before catching sight of Nayeon laughing with Jennie on the other side of the net. She ignored Sana’s tugging hands as she took a step towards the older girl.

“What’s your problem, Im?”

Nayeon’s eyes twinkled at her. “My problem? I’m flattered you think I can control where the ball lands, Yoo.” 

The bunny smile grated against Jeongyeon’s nerves. She’d just taken another step towards Nayeon when familiar arms wrapped around her waist to stop her from moving forward. 

Jihyo pulled her back, her best friend whispering a quiet, “Not here” against her ear.

“Come on, hyung! Let’s go again! I’ll definitely get it this time!” 

At Chaeyoung’s excited voice, Jeongyeon pried off Jihyo’s arms. She threw a glare in Nayeon’s direction, meeting Jennie’s apologetic gaze before turning to her team. Jeongyeon avoided the concerned look Jihyo threw her way and instead met Mina’s worried glance. She shot the Japanese girl a reassuring smile before shifting her attention to the court.

After a few more seconds, Jihyo’s voice called out for the next rotation. “Momoring, you’re setter this time! Minari, switch out with Dahyunnie!”

Shuffling, Jeongyeon groaned when she realized she’ll be paired against Nayeon for the next rotation. Sana must have heard her because the other girl patted her shoulder with a sympathetic smile before taking Jeongyeon’s old spot. 

Once Jeongyeon was in position, she let out a deep sigh. She turned her back to Nayeon, facing her teammates. However, not even a second later, a sharp poke to her shoulder blade caused her to whirl around.

At Nayeon’s cheeky grin, Jeongyeon lost it.

“ _What_ is it now,” she exclaimed as quietly as she could.

Nayeon’s cheeky grin didn’t falter. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to not turn your back on the enemy?”

“So you’re admitting we’re enemies?” Her response caused the older girl to throw her head back, laughter shaking her body. The sight left Jeongyeon wheeling more than the ball did earlier. 

Even after all these years, her heart and body continued to betray her. 

Brushing aside the twisting butterflies in her stomach, Jeongyeon shifted until she stood facing Momo with her body towards Nayeon. She counted to ten in her head, trying to drone out the older girl’s fading laughter. 

Jennie’s voice called out the score and Jeongyeon heard the satisfying smack of ball hitting skin. She tilted her head up, just as Jihyo’s voice called out to the team. 

“It’s short!” 

At the call, Dahyun moved in, the pianist receiving the serve with her forearms. Jeongyeon watched as the ball passed to Momo, tongue heavy against the roof of her mouth as she realized that at this angle, it’ll be Sana’s ball. Chaeyoung, however, was already zigzagging across the court as soon as the ball made contact with Dahyun.

She turned to the net just as Momo’s elbow bent to receive the ball, the nutrition student calling Sana’s name before releasing it forward into the air. The ball arched towards the sociology major, Sana stepping in and… and slipping, too late in her jump as the ball skimmed off her fingers.

Mina’s usually quiet voice rose from the sidelines with a panicked, “Tip tip tip!!” 

Jeongyeon’s heart picked up, already moving as the ball hit the net. The strings vibrated upon contact, ball stalling on the fence. 

_One chance._

Her left knee sprang forward and she was in the air, right hand stretching towards the top of the net. A shadow from the corner of her eyes rose with her.

_Just one chance._

The tips of her fingers grazed against the smooth skin of the ball, Jeongyeon willing it over. Then she met Nayeon’s eyes through the net.

_Fuck._

The ball slipped from between their hands, falling towards her. She sensed as her teammates rushed in from behind her, heard Chaeyoung’s panic yelp and felt Momo brush past. 

As gravity pulled the ball, it also pulled her.

And Nayeon.

Pain shot up her elbows as she landed on her back, catching herself just in time. Something fell on her, knocking the breath out from her lungs. It felt like this whole game had been about keeping Jeongyeon on the floor and winded. Eyes squeezing shut against the pain, she tried to catch a breath. 

All around her, the muted voices of her teammates fell into the background as they continued the game without her. The only thing Jeongyeon could focus on, the only thing she could _feel_ , was the body on top of hers and the hands on her breasts—

Wait. 

Her breasts?

Jeongyeon’s eyes snapped open. The first thing she noticed was the blush covering pale skin and scatters of tiny freckles, familiar bunny teeth biting into pink lips. The breath she’d just gotten back was stolen from her once again as she met Nayeon’s wide eyes. For a split second, she caught a glimpse of the girl she once knew.

The girl who was _NayeonandJeongyeon._

Then white teeth disappeared and pink lips parted open.

“I didn’t want to say anything before,” the familiar voice shook before continuing without a hitch, “but it’s nice to have confirmation that you’ve grown up, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

Pink lips lifted into a smirk and warmth crept up Jeongyeon’s neck. Heart pounding too loudly for her liking, she put both of her hands on Nayeon’s chest — her collarbone! — and shoved the older girl off. A blush creeping up her face as she tried to scoot away from Nayeon.

“Yah! W-what the hell?!” Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears.

Nayeon just laughed, winking at her before looking up. “You would have gotten the point if you used your left instead of your right. You were there before I was.” Before Jeongyeon could respond, the older girl was whirling around. “Oh!! We won~”

“You,” but Jeongyeon’s voice fell away as Nayeon ducked under the net and met Jennie in a midair hug over their victory. Nayeon’s boisterous laughter carried across the court. One long arm held tightly onto Jennie as the other grabbed Jisoo into the hug. 

The churning in Jeongyeon’s stomach was definitely _not_ jealousy. 

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“What for?”_

_“I know it’s hard for you to be around her.”_

_“...it’s fine, Jihyo.”_

_“But—”_

_“It’s fine.”_

_She’d gotten used to the pain._

**:::**

"So Jeongyeon unnie,” a sunny voice began innocently, “what’s with you and Nayeon unnie?"

Jeongyeon’s head jerked up at Dahyun’s question, mouth stuffed with food. The action caused her to unconsciously draw in a breath. Coughing, she tried to dislodge the food attempting to travel down the wrong pipe. 

Jihyo and Momo reached over and thumped her back, both taking turns to slap her jacket. She shrugged them off, swallowing what she could before taking the glass of water Mina handed her. Gulping down a mouthful of water, she cleared her throat before turning to Dahyun.

The music major’s eyes were crinkled together in concern even as the smile on her lips revealed her true reaction over Jeongyeon’s near death experience. Next to the younger girl, Chaeyoung was trying not to laugh, one hand covering her mouth. 

Yelling at the two youngest of their group didn’t seem right so instead, Jeongyeon turned her ire on Sana who sat on Dahyun’s other side. Her friend’s lips were pursed together in an attempt to conceal her laughter.

She pointed her spoon accusingly at the Japanese girl. “Minatozaki! Your girlfriend almost killed me!” 

Sana’s lips parted into a wide smile as she giggled before wrapping Dahyun into a side hug. She laid her head on Dahyun’s shoulder, turning pouting lips in Jeongyeon’s direction.

In a sing song voice, Sana defended her girlfriend with a “She didn’t mean it, Jeongyeonie~”

“Yea! I wouldn’t do that,” Dahyun piped up, even as her cheeks started growing red at the sudden proximity of her girlfriend of one year. “Jihyo unnie specifically told me that you can’t die until after the intramural championship.”

“Yah!” Jeongyeon’s head snapped towards Jihyo. 

“She’s not wrong,” the younger girl confirmed with a shrug. “I need you in top shape, Yoo, so we can beat Joohyun unnie and them.”

“Is that why we’re practicing with Blackpink?” Dahyun asked as she tried to eat around Sana’s arms. “I thought they only did sand volleyball?”

“It may not be sand, but they’re still queens on the court,” Jihyo mused before bringing her spoon to her mouth, focusing back on her food. “It’s truly a shame that Rosé doesn't like in-door volleyball.”

Jeongyeon turned back to Jihyo with a frown. “Are you sure they won’t tell Red Velvet about, you know, Chaeng?”

There was a moment of silence, their team captain clearing her throat as she avoided Jeongyeon’s eyes. She frowned at the sudden lack of answer, shifting in her seat so she could face Jihyo.

After a while, her friend slowly answered. “Nayeon unnie is taking care of that.”

At the mention of the older girl, Jeongyeon’s face crumbled. She saw as Dahyun jumped up, lodging Sana off by accident before turning towards her direction. She suppressed a groan upon meeting Dahyun’s wide eyes.

“My question!” 

“Yea, Jeongyeon,” Momo’s voice slid into her ears as the Japanese girl nudged her, “what’s up with you and Nayeon unnie?”

“Nothing,” she mumbled, stabbing at her bowl as she looked down at the table.

Another nudge. “That wasn’t ‘nothing’ on the court.”

“How many times did you get hit? Three?” Dahyun sounded too eager for Jeongyeon’s liking.

“It was five,” Jihyo supplied candidly. Jeongyeon finally lifted her head, glaring at Jihyo. Her best friend just met her glare with a spoon in her mouth. “Wha? It was!”

“And she was totally feeling you up during that last play,” Sana quipped in with a sly smile. “You looked like you were enjoying it too.”

Jeongyeon’s head snapped towards the other girl, heat spreading up her neck. Everyone around the table was up and making noises, even Mina, as they looked between Sana’s smug smile and Jeongyeon. 

Questions were thrown at her, but she just shook them off. Swallowing whatever was left in her mouth, Jeongyeon quickly gathered her tray and stood up. 

She ignored the voices calling her name as she made her escape from the cafeteria. 

Sometimes, she wondered why she hung out with any of them.

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“Dahyun and the others are starting to ask questions.”_

_“I know.”_

_“You do?”_

_“Sana already talked to me.”_

_“Ah.” A pause. “So she knows?”_

_“...only the ending.”_

_“Oh Nayeon unnie,” a hand reached for her trembling fingers, “that’s still just the beginning.”_

**:::**

She hadn’t realized she was screaming until her voice was already raspy. Jolting awake, Jeongyeon grasped for the pillow beside her and covered her face. Her wet tears smeared against the soft fabric as her raw throat held off the echoes of the screams. 

The rapid beating of her heart raced against her chest. She started counting in her head, counting until her heart calmed and her mind stopped whirling. She can’t even remember what the nightmare was about. She hasn’t been able to remember them for a while now. Thank God.

She wasn’t sure how high she counted up to until she finally relaxed. Slumping into the bed, she curled into her pillow, chest heaving as she let out a frustrated cry. Once the emotions churning in her stomach dissolved with the cry, Jeongyeon blindly reached for her phone.

Lifting her head, she sighed.

It was 4AM. Just an hour off of her regular alarm. It’s been getting better. Groaning she wiped her tears and saliva away before throwing herself back onto the bed, facing the ceiling.

She’ll get up in a minute. 

_One...two...three..._

**...**

Feet hitting pavement, Jeongyeon let out two quick breaths before sucking in two more. She could feel the sweat sliding down the side of her head, shirt sticking to her back. Swallowing, she let out two more breaths, then two more back in.

She’d always enjoyed running. There was just something about the early morning and the burning in her calves and lungs that made her feel alive. 

As if she could do anything. 

Turning the corner, she faltered in her step upon recognizing the familiar figure standing at her usual stop. Catching herself, she slowed down as she stared at Jihyo. The other girl waved her down with what Jeongyeon recognized to be her towel and water bottle. 

Taking a deep breath, Jeongyeon slipped into a walk. Her heart pounded against her chest, both from the run and the anticipation of why the physics student sought her out.

“I still don’t know how you do this every morning,” Jihyo greeted her as she grabbed the towel. After wiping her head and neck, Jeongyeon took the water bottle and gulped down two mouthfuls. “But then again, you are a masochist.”

Ignoring the younger girl, Jeongyeon looped her hands over her head, trying to catch her breath.

“You know, it’s been almost three years now. They’re going to find out eventually.”

She closed her eyes as she let out two deep breaths, then two quick ones in. She began counting in her head, breathing in and out with each count.

_One, two, three..._

“The two of you aren’t subtle at all.”

_...five, six, seven..._

“Dahyun and Chaeyoung are too curious. Sana knows more than you think.”

_...ten, eleven, twelve..._

“Mina’s pretty observant too and Momo isn’t dumb.”

She finished counting to fifteen, letting out a sigh as she opened her eyes, tilting her head up towards the sky. She studied the clouds, letting her arms fall back to her side, heart still pounding and lungs still burning. 

“You can’t avoid her forever.”

She blinked. Throwing the towel over her shoulder, Jeongyeon finally met Jihyo’s eyes. 

“Watch me.”

“Yoo Jeongyeon—”

“Park Jihyo,” she quickly cut off the other girl, walking back to the gymnasium. She needed a shower. 

“You can’t walk away every time we start this conversation!”

It was too early in the morning and too late in life to talk about the things that Jihyo wanted to discuss. She heard as the younger girl scrambled to catch up to her. She wondered why Jihyo was bringing this up now. 

“You really need to think more about this...”

It’s been almost four years. More than that even.

“...I don’t understand why you just won’t _talk_ to her.”

Too many seconds for even Jeongyeon to count. 

“I don’t know what really happened, but…”

Nayeon stopped caring about it a long time ago.

“...are you even listening to me?”

She just wanted to stop caring about it too.

“Yoo Jeongyeon! This is childish even for you!”

She stopped, hand tightly clasping the gym door handle. She stared at her fingers, warm flesh against cool metal. She counted to five, counted away the simmering emotions. She reminded herself that Jihyo doesn’t deserve the blunt of her anger. 

“Just leave it alone, Jihyo.” She swung the gym doors open. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Because you won’t tell me!” Jihyo followed right behind her. “I can’t help you if you won’t let me, Jeong!”

“I don’t need help!” She kept her eyes forward, jaw clenching. “And there’s no point in talking about it. It’s all in the past now, Jihyo.”

“Is it really?!” An arm grabbed her elbow, forcing her around. Jihyo stared at her, eyes narrowed and lips looped into a frown. “You can’t even _say_ her name! And I know for a fact that your night terrors are getting worse! They’re… they’re the reasons you wake up so early.” Jihyo’s loser lip quivered. “Aren’t they?”

She stiffened, head twisting away as she stared at the wall. The fingers around her elbow loosened, softening with Jihyo’s voice.

“If you won’t talk to me, you need to talk to her,” the younger girl stressed, voice shaking. “Aren’t you curious about what really happened? About why she did what she did or, I don’t know, the truth? _Nayeon’s_ truth? Don’t… don’t you care?”

Jeongyeon wished that was the case. The issue was that she cared too much even when there was nothing left to care about. She already knew the truth and it was simple. 

Im Nayeon didn’t need her and Im Nayeon didn’t love her. Not anymore. 

What else was there to know? It definitely wasn’t anything someone else needed to be aware of, much less Jihyo. Jeongyeon didn't dare speak of it. Not in all these years. It seemed that Nayeon agreed because if Jihyo didn’t know, it meant Nayeon was purposely keeping Jihyo in the dark. 

It shouldn’t hurt, but it did. 

Jeongyeon finally turned her head, meeting Jihyo’s round eyes. Her heart pounded loudly against her chest, lungs burning with things she couldn’t say. In Jihyo’s eyes, she saw a flicker of when they were children. When they had been three and not two, three and not one. 

If Nayeon won’t tell Jihyo, then she won’t either. Because in a way, that was Nayeon’s last gift to her. Jeognyeon will never know what she did wrong for Nayeon to stop loving her, but at least Jihyo didn’t either. 

She wasn’t sure if she could handle losing Jihyo too. 

Jihyo, _NayeonandJeongyeon’s_ little shadow. 

Their little shadow, all grown up. 

_you’ve grown up, yoo jeongyeon_

Sucking in a sharp breath, Jeongyeon blinked away the memories. Blinked away the missing pieces that no longer fit. 

She reached up and covered the fingers on her elbow. She squeezed them once, then twice, before pulling the hand off. She answered the younger girl with the only truth she’d ever gotten and the only truth that ever mattered. 

“Not anymore.” 

_It doesn’t matter anymore._

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“You need to talk to Jeongyeon.”_

_“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”_

_“That’s_ **_why_ ** _you need to talk to her.”_

_“Jihyo, it’s not that simple.”_

_“Just apologize.”_

_“She knows I’m sorry.”_

_“Does she?”_

_“...”_

_“Unnie, did you ever apologize.”_

_“...it’s not that simple”_

_“Unnie!”_


	3. wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wouldn't be a good gift to redexo if there wasn't any Chaeyu... :P

**Chapter 2**

* * *

**> >> **_lie and wait_ **< <<**

* * *

“Just go over there and ask her out.”

“No! Would you,” voice lowering an octave, “would you _please_ leave it alone?”

Jeongyeon laughed at Chaeyoung’s flustered expression, the younger girl's cheeks puffing as she shoved Dahyun. The music student feigned hurt, but Chaeyoung just turned to Jeongyeon with pleading eyes.

“She’s _your_ bro,” Jeongyeon reminded the shorter girl with a scoff, laughing at the responding pout. When Chaeyoung didn’t relent, she sighed.

Picking up her foot, she kicked Dahyun’s chair as lightly as she could. The pianist yelped, staggering forward before catching herself on the table. What a dramatic brat.

Whirling around, Dahyun shot her some puppy eyes, lips quivering. But when she just shrugged, the younger girl began waving wildly into the air in her direction.

"Why don’t you ever choose my side, unnie?! This is blatant favoritism," Dahyun demanded, voice growing high.

Jeongyeon snorted, throwing an eraser at the pianist. “Because you’re not the baby.”

“Yea! You’re not the—wait,” Chaeyoung’s head swiveled in her direction as Dahyun laughed. “ _I’m_ not the baby!”

“Prove it then,” Jeongyeon shot back before nodding towards the table across the library. “Ask out the archery princess. You’ve been pining over Chou Tzuyu since school started.”

Dahyun’s hiccuping laughter covered Chaeyoung’s indignant squeak. Jeongyeon was glad they’d chosen the non-quiet area of the library to “study” today. It took a while, but she soon learned that there was no such thing as ‘quiet studying’ when it came to her friends, especially with Chaeyoung and Dahyun.

“If you need love advice,” a voice said over her shoulder, “I wouldn’t ask Yoo. She doesn’t even think ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is romantic.”

Turning, she watched as Nayeon made her way over. She was wearing glasses today, the round spectacles unfairly highlighting the cute eye crinkle as Nayeon smiled. The grad student's hair was styled into a high pony tail, revealing a slim neck. Heart pounding, she quickly looked away when the older girl’s head turned in her direction.

“Nayeon unnie!” If possible, Chaeyoung’s face grew redder. “D-did you hear all that?”

“Everyone heard you,” the grad student answered ruefully as she pulled out the chair next to Jeongyeon, sitting down despite the lack of invitation. Jeongyeon stiffened. “But luckily no one cares. Half of the school is in love with Tzuyu. She probably gets a confession every day.”

Chaeyoung threw herself onto the table, covering her head with a groan. Nayeon reached over and patted the younger girl’s hands. Dahyun finally stopped laughing and slapped Chaeyoung on the back.

“It’s okay, Chae. I kind of fell in love too when Gahyeon showed me the video of Tzuyu’s infamous shot.”

Chaeyoung lifted her head, throwing a glare at the other girl. “You have a _girlfriend,_ Kim Dahyun!”

“And she’s kind of in love with Tzuyu too,” Dahyun replied without missing a beat, grin widening. “I mean, did you see that hair flip? Who cares if she missed!”

“It _was_ an impressive hair flip,” Nayeon mused, voice holding a hint of laughter. Then Jeongyeon felt as the older girl turned in her direction. “Wasn’t it, Yoo?”

Shrugging, she stared down at her notebook. She tapped her pen against the table, counting to three before answering.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen the video.”

“What?!” 

She winced, lifting her gaze. Chaeyoung was up and out of her seat while Dahyun’s mouth gaped open in dramatic disbelief. She could feel Nayeon’s eyes on her as the older girl shifted in the chair next to her. Jeongyeon licked her lips, laying her pen down.

“It’s just a hair flip—”

“ _Just_ a hair flip?!” Chaeyoung leaned towards her from across the table, Dahyun following suit as the two glared at her. “It’s not just a hair flip, hyung!”

“ _Hyung?_ ” 

Jeongyeon’s heart flipped, pounding faster. She recognized the sudden change in Nayeon’s lilt and she didn’t need to turn to know that a grin was probably sporting on the older girl’s face. Digging her fingers into her palm, she tried to move her chair to create some distance, but something stopped her chair from scooting away, holding it hostage and with it, Jeongyeon.

She glanced over at Dahyun and Chaeyoung for help, but the two were too busy bickering over their phones.

“I thought you saved it!” 

“I thought _you_ did!”

“I didn’t want to be a creep!” 

“Yea, because staring longingly at her across the library everyday _isn’t_ creepy.”

“ _Brooo!!_ ”

No help there. 

Jeongyeon shifted, about to get up and just save herself when long fingers slipped over her neck. They were surprisingly gentle, warm and familiar. A shiver ran down her spine, heart stuttering as she immediately tensed up. 

Warm air grazed her ear. “Hyung, huh?”

“It’s nothing,” she quickly tried to intercept, but it was no use.

“Does this mean you like being called _oppa_ too?” Jeongyeon’s face twisted into a grimace at the poor attempt of flirting, turning her head towards the older girl with a retort on her lips. But then Nayeon leaned closer. “You have the younger girls calling you hyung when you won’t even call me unnie.”

“Why would I,” she replied with a jerk of her head, eyes falling away.

Freeing herself from Nayeon’s fingers, she picked up her pen once more. The plastic bit into her skin as she clenched it tightly. 

She wasn’t expecting a soft, “You did once.”

Breath hitching, she looked over and met Nayeon’s eyes. The grin gone from the older girl’s face. In its place was an expression Jeongyeon knew only too well.

The ache that she’d been trying to ignore spilled into her chest and washed over her.

Im Nayeon had no right to look at her with those eyes, with that expression. 

She stood up, breathing harshly through her nose. Trying to hide her trembling hands, she began to gather the things around her. The movement caught the attention of the two younger girls, their voices calling out to Jeongyeon. She ignored them as she hastily threw her books back into her backpack. 

Nayeon’s voice joined Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s, her heart squeezing at the way the older girl said her name. The familiarity of it _hurt_. The ache began to throb painfully, swelling in her lungs. Shaking her head, she straightened and turned to the younger two, eyes meeting theirs briefly before looking away.

“Send me the video later, okay? I forgot I had to go do something.”

She wasn’t running away. She wasn’t.

How could she run away when she never stopped running to begin with?

**...**

A familiar ping caught her attention. Groaning, Jeongyeon reached for her phone and when she saw it was a message from Chaeyoung, unlocked her screen. Upon realizing what the first year had sent her, she burst out laughing.

The baby beast did have it after all. 

It was only ten seconds long, but it was enough. 

She set the phone down against her chest, staring up at the ceiling.

The hair flip really _was_ impressive.

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“I messed up.”_

_“Nayeon…”_

_“Why do I keep messing up?”_

_“Just talk to her.”_

_“I can’t, Jihyo.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“...all I do is hurt her.”_

_“Unnie_ _—“_

_Click._

**:::**

While Jeongyeon hated volleyball, she loved these moments.

Moments of pure adrenaline. Moments where she was more than just Jeongyeon. Where something was going right for once in her life. 

It was satisfying to see Chaeyoung fly in the air, jumping higher than someone of her stature could.

It was as if nothing could hold the younger girl down.

The secret ace of Twice looked invincible.

The smack of the ball hitting the ground reverberated against her bones, sinking into her skin as if she had been the one in the air defying gravity. Not even a second later, Twice's baby beast landed with a soft thump next to her. Jeongyeon's face split into a grin, catching Chaeyoung just as the younger girl threw herself in her direction. Lanky arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

“DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

“Hell yea,” she began, but the younger girl was already out of her arms and throwing herself at Momo. Chaeyoung’s joy was contagious, Jeongyeon laughing with her.

Someone walked up beside her. She turned her head.

“She’s so good.”

Nodding, Jeongyeon followed Jihyo’s fond gaze back to Chaeyoung. She laughed as the first year jumped into the air, touching the top of the net. Then she turned to Momo, tugging at the other girl to do the same. Momo, of course, failed.

“She is,” she agreed with a nod.

“I feel kinda bad.”

“Huh?” Frowning, Jeongyeon turned back to their team captain. 

Jihyo met her eyes with a wide grin.

“Joohyun unnie hates losing.”

The unexpected comment pulled a snort from Jeongyeon. She covered it with a cough before turning back to Chaeyoung.

The shorter girl had directed her excitement at Mina and Dahyun. The former flashed a gummy smile while the later fist bumped Chaeyoung. Afterwards the two attempted to get the usually reserved Japanese girl to join in the fist bumping. Mina’s laughter drifted over as she fended the two off with her hands, all the while vehemently shaking her head.

After a few more seconds, the older of the three finally caved, fist bumping the two younger girls. Jihyo began laughing besides her, the sound echoed by Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s triumphant shouts. 

A smile formed on her lips. She loved how the two younger girls brought out Mina’s goofy side and seeing Mina happy always made Jihyo happy. 

“Sorry I’m late!”

Stiffening at at the familiar voice, she turned her head. She blinked. Holding her breath, Jeongyeon watched as Nayeon walked towards them trailed by… Chou Tzuyu?

“Isn’t that Chou Tzuyu?” Jihyo voiced her question.

She nodded slowly, glancing over at Chaeyoung who was still distracted by Mina and Dahyun.

“I think so.” She pursed her lips.

When the two were in front of them, Jeongyeon shifted her focus onto the floor. She could feel Nayeon’s eyes her. Fingers dug into her hips as she tried not to squrim.

“Look who I got to join Twice!” Eyes widening, her head snapped back up. She met Nayeon’s grinning face. “She’s perfect, right?! I mean, she’s probably as tall, if not taller, than Sooyoung!”

Nayeon continued to beam at them, bunny teeth flashing. Jeongyeon turned to Tzuyu, the younger girl smiling shyly as she bowed her head. She introduced herself, voice soft. Introductions were pretty unnecessary, though, with how much Chaeyoung talked about her.

She and Jihyo shared a glance before quickly introducing themselves to the first year girl.

Jeongyeon heard Chaeyoung’s high-pitched squeal followed by Dahyun’s cackling laughter. It seems the two had finally noticed Nayeon’s special guest for today’s practice. An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach as she watched Chaeyoung trip over herself during introductions, giving Tzuyu her position, grade year, blood type, and even city of birth.

**...**

“I think,” Nayeon’s voice was soft, oddly humbling, as she turned to Jihyo and Jeongyeon, “I may have made a mistake.”

“Maybe.” Jeongyeon’s voice was muffled by her hands as she covered her eyes when Chaeyoung missed another set. 

She could hear Tzuyu innocently telling Chaeyoung that she would get the next one. It would have been a sweet sentiment if it wasn't the fifth time time Tzuyu had told Chaeyoung this.

Dahyun, the evil child, was not so secretly laughing with Sana and Momo from their positions behind Tzuyu. Jeongyeon wasn’t sure what was worst: Tzuyu not realizing she’s the reason Chaeyoung was missing everything or Tzuyu not realizing their teammates were laughing at Chaeyoung. 

Poor baby beast.

“I didn’t realize she had it this bad,” Nayeon whined followed by what sounded like a stomping foot.

Jeongyeon removed her hands just in time to watch Chaeyoung walk into the net when Tzuyu gave her a dimpled smile. Besides her, their team captain let out a deep, deep sigh.

“We’re screwed,” Jihyo conceded underneath her breath. 

Jeongyeon nodded before confirming, “we’re screwed.”

Nayeon turned to the two, arms on her hips. “We’re not screwed! Tzuyu just needs practice and Chaeyoung,” she sighed, “Chaeyoung just needs help getting the girl.”

Jihyo scoffed at Nayeon.

“She has a better chance of breaking past the Red Wall than getting enough courage to confess to Chou Tzuyu.”

“The Red what?” Jeongyeon’s eyes furrowed together as she turned to Jihyo.

Twice's tiny team captain raised both arms above her head into the air, standing on her toes.

“Sooyoung and Seulgi! The Red Wall!” 

Nayeon’s laughter rang in Jeongyeon's ear, her traitorous heart fluttering at the sound. She sucked in a sharp breath before facing Jihyo.

Slowly, she reached over and forced the younger girl’s arms down.

“...Jihyo, did you just call our friends _the Red Wall_?" She scoffed. "What is this? GoT?”

The look the shorter girl threw in her direction sent shivers down her spine. 

“Only one can sit on the Iron Throne, Yoo Jeongyeon.”

Her eyes widened. “It’s just a game, Jihyo!”

“A _game of thrones_!! Joohyun unnie needs to get knocked down from her high horse!”

“You,” she groaned into her hands as Nayeon laughed, “you do realize how that series ended, right?!”

“Just leave her be,” Nayeon cut in as she threw an arm around Jihyo’s shoulder. “She’s turned into the mad queen.”

“Which one,” Jeongyeon replied dryly, turning her head towards Nayeon. 

She caught Nayeon’s eyes above Jihyo’s head, the older girl meeting her gaze with a gummy smile. Something warm bloomed in her chest, breath catching. The corner of her lips lifted up. She took a step in Nayeon’s direction, fingers suddenly cold and too empty. 

Strange. She had learned it was wiser to keep Nayeon’s hands warm with her own. It was a mistake she knew better than not to make. It saved her from cold fingers and a whiny Nayeon, after all. Actually, why wasn’t Nayeon already next to her? She was surprised at the space between them. And why—

—then Jeongyeon remembered. Tearing her eyes away, she sucked in a sharp breath and began counting.

_one_

She took a step back. Then another.

_two_

There was a reason why she wasn’t by Nayeon’s side anymore.

_three_

“This isn’t working.” 

_four_

“I think we should join in." 

_five_

"Chaeyoung just needs more support.”

Breathing out, she nodded once at Jihyo before quickly making her way over to the net.

She ignored the piercing gaze on her back. 

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“There’s something you aren’t telling me… isn’t there?”_

_Silence._

_“You didn’t just break up with her, did you?”_

_“Jihyo…”_

_“What did you do, unnie?”_

_“...something I can't take back.”_

**:::**

Jeongyeon should have known something wasn’t right when Jihyo told her to come to the pod for a volleyball emergency.

Once she realized what was happening, she'd been unable to leave since team bonding, Jihyo argued, was just a natural part of Jeongyeon’s unofficial duties as the unofficial vice captain of Twice. She had only herself to blame.

She should have said no to the titular title back when Jihyo asked her.

At least Nayeon wasn’t here. Yet.

She would leave before the older girl came. She wasn’t sure how she could handle it if she had to listen to Nayeon sing. Nayeon's voice had always been beautiful. When they were kids and Jeongyeon couldn't sleep, she would take the house phone and call Nayeon. The older girl's singing always helped her fall asleep.

Jeongyeon crossed her arms, sitting petulantly on the futon Momo and Sana had gleaned from some previous fourth years. Besides her, Chaeyoung enthusiastically clapped a tambourine, voice rising and falling with the turbulent singing of Jihyo and Momo. Next to the younger girl, Mina sat with a grace that stood out like a sore thumb, her soft claps consumed by the mess that was a Twice norebang. 

Sana and Dahyun had disappeared into their room half an hour ago. She definitely didn’t want to know what the two were doing, trying to not think about how the couple was separated from the rest of Twice only by a door. Jihyo was too busy hogging the mic to realize that the two have been gone for more than was appropriate or else the younger girl would have definitely dragged the two out to join in the ‘team bonding’. 

Sighing, she uncrossed her arms and grabbed the bowl of chips on the coffee table Dahyun brought from home. At a soft poke to her side, she turned the bowl in Mina’s direction so the younger girl could reach behind Chaeyoung to get some too.

The song came to an end, Jeongyeon’s hearing returning. It wasn't that either girls were horrible. On the contrary. It was just that she enjoyed having ear drums. At least the noise was the only concern.

She sent some thanks to the universe for Momo’s amazing room draw number. She still couldn't believe they’d gotten the pod. It was hard enough to get into the dorm that was infamous for having the most laid back RAs, much less to grab the sought out six-person pod. 

Nayeon, Tzuyu, and herself were the only Twice members not in the pod. 

Tzuyu for obvious reasons while Nayeon had to live off campus in the grad student dorming. Jeongyeon knew the older girl shared a suite with Jisoo somewhere south of campus. As for Jeongyeon, she’d had the next best room draw number after Momo so it was decided that she would be the odd one out. Which was okay. 

It sucked when she missed the girls and it didn’t help that her single was across campus. 

However, it was nice to have a space away from all the chaos that was Twice.

“Momo-ya, you were too quiet!” Jihyo turned an accusatory glare at the Japanese girl when the song ended and their score finally showed up. “Don’t be scared! You’re an amazing singer!”

The nutrition student turned red, shaking her head as she tried to give away the mic in her hand. Mina shook her head while Chaeyoung shook the tambourine in the air.

“Go Momo unnie!” The youngest stood up and pushed Momo back to Jihyo. “Show us your skills!”

“One more time, Momo!” Jihyo shouted, a large grin on her face as she started searching for the next song.

That was her que. Jeongyeon stood up, setting the chips aside. 

At Mina’s quizzical look, she nodded towards the front door.

“Bathroom.”

“Ah,” Mina nodded and leaned back into the futon. The other girl’s attention was soon pulled away, though, Mina smiling up at Chaeyoung as the youngest sat back down with her.

Jeongyeon made her escape just as Jihyo found the next song, Momo whining at the choice. As the door closed behind her, she heard the rising laughter of Mina and Chaeyoung. She walked down the hall in search of the unisex restroom.

As the door closed behind her, she leaned against it with a sigh. Running a hand through her hair, Jeongyeon went over to the sink and splashed some water on her face. She checked the time.

It was still only 8:05PM. She mused over the best excuse to make so that Jihyo would let her leave in an hour. Leaning against the sink, Jeongyeon scrolled through her messages, responding back to some questions from her lab partner Wong Kahei about their most recent assignment and another message from Kim Jiyeon about their next brunch get together.

She just finished checking her messages when she realized it was almost 8:30PM. Damn. Jihyo was going to kill her. She quickly washed her hands before leaving. 

Following the loud music, she tried not to rush back. Upon reaching the familiar door, she opened it as slowly and as quietly as she could. Not that it mattered with the way the music blasted into her face. Jeongyeon caught sight of Sana and Dahyun first, the two sitting on top of the dinner table Jihyo and Momo had taken from the dorm kitchen. The couple was surrounded by snacks and soft drinks that Jeongyeon knew weren't there earlier.

As she slipped back into the pod, she wondered who Jihyo allowed to leave in the favor of more snacks. Then the singing started and she froze.

She turned her head, heart picking up. Right away, she noticed that Nayeon had dyed her hair back to a darker brown, mimicking the older girl’s original color. The long strands were loose today, falling around the grad student’s shoulder. 

Absent mindedly, she sat back down next to Mina, eyes never leaving the front of the room where Nayeon, Tzuyu, and Jihyo stood. The trio's voices rose and fell with the rhythm of the song. Her fingers tapped against her thigh as she watched the way Nayeon smiled over at Tzuyu when the youngest began her solo. Long fingers lifted up, shifting a pair of round spectacles. As the fingers fell back down, Jeongyeon caught sight of red coated lips.

She'd forgotten just how red lipstick looked good on Nayeon. 

Forcing her gaze away, Jeongyeon tried not to panic. While she knew the oldest joined in team bonding from time to time, this was the first time she'd ever seen Nayeon at one. However, if she was honest, she didn’t attend a lot of them either. For this exact reason. 

She checked the time before reaching blindly for the bowl of chips. When her hand met empty air, she frowned. Setting her phone down, she picked up the bowl and made her way over to Dahyun and Sana.

“Jeongie!” Sana’s voice shouted at her over the music, the other girl leaving Dahyun’s side to loop an arm through hers. “Where have you been?!”

Jeongyeon scoffed, maneuvering around Sana’s hold to refill the bowl with some popcorn.

“I didn’t think you noticed. You and Dahyun were gone for a _long_ time.”

At Sana’s blush, she laughed, poking the other girl’s side. The responding giggle caused Jeongyeon’s chest to expand, leaving a smile on her lips. Sana let her go and returned to Dahyun, wrapping the younger girl in an embrace as she whispered something to her. Jeongyeon laughed again as Dahyun’s cheeks flushed red, the younger girl avoiding her eyes. 

She left the two alone and went back to sit on the futon with Chaeyoung and Mina. The youngest let out a sound of excitement at the sight of the popcorn and Jeongyeon handed it over. Mina smiled at her gratefully, taking a handful from the bowl before turning back to the music.

It was a new song now. 

Jeongyeon looked at the time again. It was almost 9PM. She tapped her fingers on her thigh, head bobbing up and down with the music. She counted the seconds in her head, trying not to look up. She knew that if she did, there would only be one person she wanted to see. 

However, it became impossible when said person began screaming into the mic.

“Nayeon unnie does realize that yelling won’t give them more points, right?” Mina’s soft voice drifted to her. She lifted her head at the question.

Just as she looked up, though, Nayeon stopped screaming. The older girl shifted her head and their eyes met.

Nayeon’s gummy smile formed, ruby lips parting with a breathless laugh.

Something tugged at her heart. 

Then long fingers beckoned her forward, brown eyes shining with a spark that lit up Jeongyeon’s body. Red lips grew into a smile, bunny teeth appearing. Swallowing, Jeongyeon shifted. Her body lifted up from the futon, lulled towards Nayeon like a sailor drawn to the siren's call… 

...and then Jihyo pulled Nayeon back to the screen and the spell was broken.

Shivers ran down her body and Jeongyeon froze, heart racing. She landed softly back onto the futon, but the world shook. _She_ shook. Counting to ten in her head, she waited before turning to Mina and Chaeyoung. 

Ignoring the churning in her stomach, she took in two quick breaths, then let them go just as quickly. Repeat.

Swallowing, she nudged the Japanese girl which caught Chaeyoung’s attention. The two looked over at her, their laughter giving way to smiles. 

Her chest twisted as those same smiles disappeared at her next words.

“I have to get going.”

She stood up, the room spinning with her mind. Shaking her head, she blinked down at the two younger girls.

Two pairs of brown eyes peered up at her, confused. Sad. _Disappointed_.

Turning away, Jeongyeon grabbed her phone off the coffee table. It was 9PM. It’s been an hour.

She waved goodbye to Sana and Dahyun with a quick glance. Jihyo was just starting her solo, Tzuyu and Nayeon cheering her on.

Two more breaths in, two more out. 

Just then, Momo emerged from her room. Their eyes locked, but Jeongyeon looked away. She quickly left the pod. She would face Jihyo’s wrath later, thankful the younger girl was too into the music to notice her departure.

She’d only taken two steps when the door opened behind her.

“Jeongyeon? Where are you going?” Momo’s hands touched her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing the rising emotions, she shrugged off Momo’s hands. She turned to face the other girl, their eyes meeting. 

“I'm fine. I just need to get up early tomorrow. Kahei needed my help with one of our assignments.”

“Oh.” Momo deflated in front of her, brown eyes blinking up at her. “Will we see you for lunch tomorrow?”

She shook her head. “I already have plans with Jiyeon for brunch.”

“Oh. Okay.” Momo’s lips quivered for a split second before the other girl perked up, eyes brightening. “What about dinner then?”

Jeongyeon couldn’t say no.

With a nod, she sent Momo a small smile. The Japanese girl returned the smile with a wave and a bright one of her own. She watched as the other girl disappeared back into the pod. Walking away, she felt a heaviness settle in her chest.

She hated letting down the younger girls. Then it dawned on her that she never said hi to Tzuyu. Cursing, she quickly sent a text to the younger girl, apologizing for leaving without saying hello.

Staring at the message, Jeongyeon frowned. She needed to get a hold of herself.

It was just Nayeon. It was just a broken heart. She’ll get over it soon.

She ignored the fact that she’s been telling herself that for the past three years.

**_..._ **

**_.._ **

**_._ **

_“I shouldn’t have come tonight.”_

_“Unnie, you can’t keep avoiding her.”_

_“It’s worked, hasn’t it?”_

_“Has it really?? You two are worst and-and the team can’t keep going on like this, Nayeon!”_

_“The team?” Fingers curled into fists. “The team is fine, Jihyo! Jeongyeon isn’t!”_

_“And neither are you!” A sigh. “Just talk to her, unnie!”_

_“I told you, it’s not that simple!”_

_“Then_ **_make_ ** _it simple!”_ _A pause. “You can at least try to be friends again, right?”_

_“...Jeongyeon and I can never be just friends, Jihyo." Teeth bit into red lips. “Besides, she hates me.”_

_Another sigh. “Nayeon, Jeongyeon doesn’t hate you.”_

_“She couldn’t even stand being in the same room with me for an hour.”_

_“Unnie_ —“

_“No. No more. Okay?”_

_She ignored the voice calling after her. Ignored the gnawing in her stomach that urged her to turn back._

_While walking away from Jihyo hurt, it_ _was nothing compared to walking away from Jeongyeon._

_Nothing could ever compare to the hurt she felt then._

_Not even this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading~


	4. cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to upload this chapter till later this weekend because I am stuck on the next chapter, buuttttt MORE & MORE Eng. Version is out and I am just in love (T_T) so go stream English MORE & MORE!! Dubchaeng rap attack is just perfection~
> 
> Also, a warning that the ending of this chapter is pretty heavy. I'm sorry.

**Chapter 3**

* * *

**> >> **_inside a cage_ **< <<**

* * *

Jeongyeon was impressed. 

Chaeyoung has only missed six of the last ten sets.

She was reluctant to admit it, but the team bonding from last week did help. But thank god this was the last set of the night.

Jeongyeon didn’t know how much longer she could watch Chaeyoung make a mess of herself over Tzuyu. She also still needed to go over her paper.

Professor Yoon was truly evil for making the deadline a Sunday night.

She met Jihyo’s disgruntled gaze, smiling reassuringly at the younger girl as she took her spot to serve. She blew air through her lips before looking over at the other eight girls.

“Ready?” She twirled the ball in her hand.

At six responding nods and two thumbs up, she sucked in a deep breath. Holding it in, she threw the ball above her head and once it left her fingers, pulled her arm back. She counted to three in her head, and right at two but before the three, she swung. Upon contact, the ball sent a tingle down her arm, the thump of her palm hitting the ball vibrating against her skin. 

Just like that, Jeongyeon knew that it would be a good ball. 

But there was no time to celebrate the serve as she quickly moved past Dahyun and Jihyo to the net. She took her place next to Tzuyu, eyes briefly glancing over at Nayeon.

Jeongyeon would never tell another living soul this, but this Nayeon, the Nayeon staring determinedly up in the air with a messy ponytail and tongue poking out between pink lips, was her favorite Nayeon. 

This Nayeon was breathtaking despite looking so disheveled.

She looked unstoppable... she couldn’t be more beautiful. 

Swallowing, Jeongyeon focused on the game, turning her head just in time to watch Sana pass the serve to Mina. The ball traveled into the air towards the younger girl. 

Her lips parted as Chaeyoung appeared out of nowhere from over the net. She stretched her fingers, tensing. However, she kept her feet loose, feet spreading apart. She knew better than anyone else just how easy it would be for Chaeyoung to cross back to her original position, the distance being nothing compared to the younger girl’s speed. 

The first year truly was Twice’s baby beast.

A baby, but definitely a beast.

She was just thankful that Dahyun was practicing receiving instead of attacking for this last set. The Dubchaeng combo was always brutal to block, even harder to predict.

But Jeongyeon's learned. Taking her eyes off Chaeyoung and her mind off Dahyun, she focused on Mina. The only way to predict attacks was to try and predict setters. However, Mina revealed nothing in her body language, arms stretched above her head to receive the ball with no inclination of which side of the court she would direct Chaeyoung.

Jeongyeon's eyes narrowed as the ball met Mina’s finger tips. Air puffing from her lips, she glanced to the side at Tzuyu. Her eyes widened.

Shit.

There was a gap.

Twice's youngest and most inexperienced member must have stepped towards this side of the court when Chaeyoung crossed over. While this form of diversion _was_ Twice's tactic, it was also one that Jihyo's been trying to prevent them from falling for. Just then, she caught Mina’s head tilt and knew, without a doubt, that the setter noticed the gap too.

It was the perfect opening.

Damn it. She opened her mouth, but the words would be too late and Jeongyeon knew that she wouldn't be able to make it in time. Neither would Tzuyu. There was no way they could cover that gap, not with Chaeyoung’s speed and Mina’s accuracy.

Panicking, Jeongyeon realized that their only chance was—

“Unnie!” 

The honorific slipped without a thought from her lips just as Mina released the ball, fingers pushing it to the other side of the court at the very last second. And just like that, Chaeyoung disappeared from her vision. 

Tzuyu must have realized her mistake, though, since the youngest rushed forward. Even so, the archery princess was a still second too late which meant Jeongyeon was late and a second was all Chaeyoung needed. 

Despite knowing they wouldn’t be there in time, Jeongyeon jumped with Tzuyu anyway.

At least Chaeyoung would be happy.

But then, then _Nayeon_ was there. The loose pony tail fell apart, black strands flying into the air. Twice's eldest member met Twice's baby beast at the net, long fingers curving over the ball just as a tiny palm slammed it down.

It was over in a blink of an eye.

Heart racing, Jeongyeon touched the ground at the same time the ball did. However, it was by Chaeyoung’s feet that the ball landed with a sharp thud.

She let go of the breath she’d been holding.

Chaeyoung’s frustrated groan pulled her attention over the net, towards the younger girl. Jihyo’s booming voice called out Nayeon’s name from behind her, Dahyun and Tzuyu triumphantly echoing Twice's captain. Jeongyeon, knowing how smug Nayeon got whenever she solo blocked any of Chaeyoung’s attacks, instead focused on the girl in front of her.

She reached over, ignoring the net between them as she ruffled Chaeyoung’s hair.

“You did good.” She pulled her hand back. “You got there in time.”

“It doesn’t matter! I lost the point,” Chaeyoung replied back furiously. “Nayeon unnie still blocked me!”

“That’s because she can read you pretty well. Our opponents won’t be able to,” she reassured Chaeyoung. She pulled back when the Japanese girls swarmed Chaeyoung, cooing and cheering at the youngest.

Well, not the youngest anymore.

Jeongyeon turned around, searching for the now youngest member of Twice. She felt a bit guilty for not celebrating that block with the new girl. Since she'd started, Tzuyu has constantly awed and surprised Jeongyeon. The younger girl definitely had a lot of room to grow, but Jeongyeon knew that with enough practice, Tzuyu would become a force to be reckoned with. 

She caught sight of the youngest next to Nayeon. She couldn’t see Tzuyu’s face, but she watched as Nayeon talked adamantly to the Taiwanese girl, smiling kindly and looking less smug than Jeongyeon initially believed. She would even say Nayeon looked humble. The oldest stopped talking when the youngest motioned towards the net, clearly talking now.

Jeongyeon recognized the look on Nayeon’s face. It was clear that Nayeon already adored the youngest. She wondered when the grad student had found enough time to part from her studies and volleyball to spend it with Tzuyu. 

The older girl’s hair was still down, falling unconcernedly over one shoulder. Nayeon's cheeks were still flushed from the adrenaline, bunny teeth unveiled as she smiled at Tzuyu. The older girl’s arms were lightly crossed, rising and falling with each breath she took.

Jeongyeon swallowed. Nayeon looked… she looked as unstoppable as she did on the court.

Her tongue grew heavy against the roof of her mouth.

“That was an amazing block, huh?”  
  
Sana’s voice drew her gaze, the other girl sounding far too innocent. 

A grin. “I wish I could have recorded it!”

Jeongyeon was right, suppressing a snort. The sociology student clasped her hands together.

“Nayeon unnie looked so beautiful in the air! The video would have complimented my clip of Tzuyu’s hair flip so well~”

“Yah,” she turned to fully face the other girl, eyes narrowed, “should you be keeping videos of girls that aren’t your girlfriend?”

The Japanese girl tilted her head, a slow smirk forming on mischievous lips.

“What makes you think my girlfriend wasn’t the one who sent me the videos?”

 _That_ Jeongyeon could believe. She knew Dahyun kept — and often showed off — a video of Chaeyoung doing aegyo on a dare. 

“You two are perfect for each other.”

And as if to prove her point, a familiar voice drew their attention.

“Sana unnie! Sana unnie!”

Dahyun appeared in front of them, breathless and flushed. Jeongyeon pursed her lips, already knowing where this was going.

“Your last receive was perfect!" The second year smiled brightly at her girlfriend. "You did amazing, unnie!”

Sana teared up, Jeongyeon trying not to gag. “Not as amazing as you, Dahyunnie!”

Her friend wrapped the younger girl into an embrace, voice hush as she began whispering into Dahyun's ears.

Jeongyeon quickly escaped. She made her way over to help Jihyo and Mina bring down the net. She glanced over to the side, watching for a brief second as Momo collected the scattered balls.

“Good practice,” Jihyo greeted her with a large smile. Then the younger girl’s eyes narrowed. “But you were late for that last one, Yoo Jeongyeon! You better not be slacking!”

She groaned. “Come on, Hyo. It's not my fault. I can’t predict Mina at all.”

“Unnie, you should have covered better and communicated with Tzuyu-ssi,” Mina reprimanded with furrowed eyes, bottom lip sticking out. “She‘s still learning and I know you saw the gap too!”

Jeongyeon lifted her hands up in surrender.

“ _Hai hai_ ,” she replied with feigned enthusiasm in Japanese, bowing her head in Mina’s direction. " _Gomen nasai, Mina-san!_ "

Her words elicited a soft laugh from the younger girl which in turn drew Jihyo's resounding laughter. A smile tugged on her lips at being able to make the two laugh.

She reached up to help take down the net. 

“Nayeon unnie? Are you okay?” Tzuyu’s usually quiet voice drifted to them, her voice the loudest Jeongyeon has ever heard. “You’re limpi...”

“Nayeon unnie!”

Chaeyoung’s concerned shout followed Tzuyu’s voice as the youngest suddenly cut off. The net in her hands fell to the floor. Twisting around, her eyes searched for Nayeon. She was already moving by the time she caught sight of the older girl.

Nayeon was on one knee, holding onto Tzuyu’s elbow for balance as Chaeyoung knelt in front of her. She cursed upon noticing both of Nayeon’s bare knees. Running now, her mind raced with her heart.

Why hadn’t she noticed earlier?

Why hadn't Nayeon?!

That stupid—

“Where is it?!”

Three different heads turned in her direction, but she had eyes for only one. The owner of said head frowned at her, bunny teeth biting into pink lips.

Jeongyeon reached them, falling onto her knees next to Chaeyoung. 

“Where’s what?” Tzuyu's voice rose, wavering with confusion.

She glared at Nayeon's knees. “Your patella strap!”

“A nutella what,” Chaeyoung began, but she ignored the younger girl in favor of reaching out to gently prod at the exposed left knee. At the obvious wince on the older girl's face, she pulled her hands back.

Lifting her head, her eyes met furrowed brown ones.

“Why aren’t you wearing it?”

She was pretty proud at how even her voice was despite the fear growing in her as she realized how badly practice could have ended.

Brown eyes blinked owlishly at her. “Wh-what? Wear what?”

“Your strap!” Her heart pounded against her chest.

Pink lips grinned. “Kinky.”

“Na—” Jeongyeon’s mouth clamped shut as she snapped her head to the side, eyes glaring at the floor. “I’m serious, Im.”

“I just forgot, okay?” Nayeon’s voice lifted into the air, the older girl trying to stand. “It’s not a big deal, Yoo. I’ve played without it before.”

“Yah! You know better! Your knee...” Jeongyeon’s voice faded off as she frowned. “What if you’d gotten hurt? What if—and that last play!!" Her head snapped up, eyes furrowing as she clenched her fingers. "What were you _thinking?!?_ Do you know how risky that block was without a brace!? You—God! Why are you so—“

“There’s a perfect solution for this!”

Jihyo’s booming voice cut her off, drawing Jeongyeon's attention. The younger girl clapped her hands together, a smile forming on her face. 

At the sudden sparkle in Jihyo’s eyes, Jeongyeon had a feeling she wouldn’t like the solution as nearly much as the younger girl did.

...

How did she end up here? Alone. With Im Nayeon.

She blamed Park Jihyo. And physiology.

Stupid meddling fool and stupid annoying major. She really should have just switched it.

Frowning, she reached over to wrap one hand around Nayeon’s ankle while the other held down the stool the older girl’s feet rested on. Her fingers slid up Nayeon’s calves. She pursed her lips, determined to ignore the heat traveling up her neck as she extended Nayeon’s knee.

“Does this hurt?”

She would be surprised if it didn't. It's taken months for Nayeon's left knee to heal and years of physical therapy for it to no longer cause the older girl issues.

She felt the other girl’s gaze on her, but her eyes never veered away from the task at hand. 

There was a moment of silence before the grad student finally spoke.

“Not really.” Then the knee beneath her hands moved, disappearing from sight. “But it’s okay now. I told you I didn’t need it. Thanks, Jeo—“

Nayeon cut herself off with a squeak as Jeongyeon pulled her knee back onto the stool. She felt bad for the unnecessary use of force, but Jeongyeon really didn’t want to hear Nayeon say her name. 

Not right now. 

The whole situation was already too uncomfortable. With each passing second, memories she’d tried so hard to lock away escaped from the little cages Jeongyeon had kept them in.

“Am I the physiology major or are you?” Her voice was harsher than she intended so she softened her next words. “Just hand me your bag, Im.”

For a moment, she was scared Nayeon would be stubborn. She could feel the fight or flight energy radiating off the older girl. She knew the signs, fidgeting fingers and bunny teeth biting into pink lips.

Nayeon’s right foot tapped listlessly against the locker room floor.

She moved her hands, returning them to her side. She leaned back on her knees. If this truly wasn't what the other girl wanted, she didn’t want to keep her here.

Jeongyeon lowered her eyes to the floor, waiting for Nayeon to make the next move. When the older girl got up without a word, she was painfully reminded of the last time they were alone together. As she felt the room become empty, she couldn’t help but feel hurt. 

It was stupid, but Jeongyeon… Jeongyeon hated how easy it was for Nayeon to leave. Even in moments like these when it didn’t matter.

When it wasn’t even Nayeon leaving Jeongyeon. 

It was just Nayeon leaving.

Nails biting into her knees, she held in her breath. The older girl's name formed on her lips, but she bit down on her tongue. Breathing heavily through her nose, she willed herself not to call the other girl back.

She knew how useless that would be.

She’d learned that Nayeon wouldn’t come back even when it _did_ matter.

Eyes squeezing shut, she began counting to twenty. At fifteen, she was startled by the sound of something hitting the floor in front of her.

Her eyes flew open. She looked up, mouth growing dry at the sight of Nayeon sitting back down on the bench. The older girl lifted her left leg back onto the stool with a soft thud, the stool scraping against the floor.

She held her breath, eyes widening.

“I forgot you were studying physiology.” The older girl extended a bright pink gym bag in her direction. “I thought you hated bio?”

Jeongyeon swallowed down the emotions swelling up her throat, forcing herself to breathe before taking the gym bag from the older girl.

She said nothing as she opened it, digging into the sides for the strap. She ignored the random article of clothing and accessories. 

Once she found it amongst the obnoxious mess, she turned back to Nayeon. She licked her lips before responding.

“I do hate it.” She studied the strap’s furry velcro. “Almost as much as I hate volleyball." A pause as she frowned. "But it’s doable and at least it’s useful knowledge.”

What the hell? She did _not_ want to know where Nayeon left this prior to her gym bag. Shaking her head, Jeongyeon suppressed a sigh.

Even after all these years, the older girl was still so messy. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips, Jeongyeon laughing softly to herself. Some things just don't change.

A moment of silence before Nayeon spoke.

“I don’t understand you.” From the corner of her eyes, the older girl shifted on the bench. “If you hate it so much, why didn’t you switch out? Now it's too late. Aren't you applying for the physiology master's program?”

“Yea, I am and why would I switch?” Jeongyeon frowned down at the strap. “You of all people should know why I didn’t.”

She began pulling off the fluff.

“What do you mean?” Nayeon’s voice grew quiet, but Jeongyeon was too occupied to investigate the cause.

The older girl would be fine, whatever it was. She, on the other hand, wasn't fine.

Not with this damn mess.

Urgh.

“How—why would _I_ know?”

A celebratory sound fell from Jeongyeon’s lips as she finally freed the strap from the remains of whatever tortuous place Nayeon had left it.

She tested the velcro a couple of times before focusing on the older girl’s knee. 

“Because you were the reason I even became interested in it.” Sliding her finger around smooth skin, she lifted Nayeon’s ankle off the stool. “You always complained about your knee, remember? I always thought that it would be cool if I became a chiropractor or something that could help you once we met up again.”

A chuckle was pulled from her chest as she recalled sitting with her academic advisor, trying to decide on a major back when she started uni. She'd spent days researching beforehand. After a few meetings with the biomedical engineering students and some pre-med professors, she settled on physiology. 

“Actually, I wanted to go into engineering for a while and maybe look into medical devices that could help you. I looked into canes that were used to treat patellar injuries and thought about making one for you." She laughed to herself, shaking her head. "You would have definitely been a grandma then.”

She slipped the circular strap over Nayeon’s foot, careful of how much pressure she used on the other girl’s ankle. 

“You know, since you mentioned it, I _was_ in the process of switching majors my second year." Loosening her hold, she slowly pulled the strap up Nayeon’s calf. "But then you started playing with us after Jihyo’s accident.” Shifting her hold, she felt for Nayeon’s patellar tendon. “And when you stayed with Twice, it just made sense for me to stay with it too.” 

Once she was confident she found it, she fitted the front center of the strap over it.

“Okay, tell me if this is too much pressure,” she warned before tightening the strap. 

When there was no comment from Nayeon, she sat back against her knees with a sigh of relief. She finally looked down at the annoying fuzz that’d stalled her.

Only Nayeon could take such poor care of something so important.

“By the way, you should take better care of your stuff.” She lifted up the fuzzy mess with a grin, turning her head towards Nayeon. “Like, what the hell even is this, Im?” 

Her grin fell away, though, as the older girl abruptly stood up. The movement forced her back. Nayeon’s head was bent down, dark strands of hair falling over the other girl’s face. She watched with growing confusion as Nayeon snatched up the pink bag.

“I have to go.” The gym bag was haphazardly zipped up, long fingers struggling with the clip. “Thanks for helping, but I really could have done it myself.”

“Are you sure about that?” She scoffed lightly, a small smile forming. “You didn’t even remember to wear it in the first place.”

A frown formed on her lips when there was no returned banter. She licked her lips, rubbing the back of her neck as she stood up.

“Uh, remember to loosen it if it’s too tight, okay?”

“I know,” came the hasty response before Nayeon disappeared, pink bag slung over one shoulder.

What the hell? Then she caught sight of the clock hanging above the exit. She ran a hand through her hair, letting out a groan as she realized how late it was. 

She still had that paper to finish. It was going to be another long night.

Stupid evil professors and stupid annoying majors.

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“That really was a risky move today.” A frown. “You should have just let Chae score and kept it as a learning lesson for Tzuyu.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Then why didn’t you?!”_

_A deep breath in, a deep breath out._

_“It was the first time in years since she’d called out to me.”_

_“Oh. So I didn’t imagine that… wait, that’s great! It means it’s getting better!”_

_“Is it?” Her knee began to ache, but it wasn’t from any physical injury. “It feels worse.”_

_“What!? But she called you unnie! And she even helped with your knee!”_

_The ache grew._

_“I think that’s why it’s worse, Jihyo.”_

_There was a moment of silence._

_“Sometimes having something is better than having nothing, unnie.”_

_The ache became unbearable._

_“Then why does it hurt more than not having her?”_

_Familiar arms wrapped around her and she clung to them._

_“Nayeon, love’s meant to hurt as much as it’s meant to heal.” A pause. “And sometimes, it’s good for love to hurt because it means its healing.”_

**:::**

Jeongyeon hated parties. 

They were unnecessarily loud, wildly unpredictable, and unforgivably messy. However, she wasn’t one to say no to the free drinks and free memories.

Especially memories that had the great potential of becoming blackmail material. 

“Jeongyeonie!” Sana’s slurred voice rose above the loud music and background noises of other students talking and yelling. 

She quickly lifted her head, lowering her phone while keeping the camera facing up. Sana was lucky she didn’t have a single bad angle.

She cleared her throat. “What’s up?” 

“Jeongyeonie!” Sana’s orange hair flew into Momo’s face as she leaned towards Jeongyeon, using Momo as a pillar. “I want my Dahyunnie!”

Momo pouted, pulling Sana back. “I thought you said all you needed was me tonight?”

“But you don’t want me! I know you don’t,” Sana wailed, eyes suddenly tearing up. “I’m not stupid, Momoring! I know where you really wanted to be tonight and it isn’t with me!”

Jeongyeon grinned, watching as Momo threw herself onto the drunk girl. Limbs flew around, the two Japanese girls struggling with each other.

”Sana! _Sana!_ ” her ex-roommate’s eyes grew impossibly wide, covering the other girl’s mouth with her hands. “Yah! Yo-you don’t know what you’re saying! I do want to be with you tonight, okay?! Only you!”

“LIAR!” Sana fought free, twisting in Momo’s arms. “You are a liar, Hirai Momo!” More struggling between the two before Sana broke free again, crying out to the sky, “Dahyun would _never_ lie to me! Why did you leave, Dahyunnieee!?”

Sighing, Jeongyeon turned off the phone, stuffing it back into her pocket. Momo looked so pitiful that it was becoming painful to watch. While blackmail was fun and all, she knew where to draw the line.

She reached over and swiped up the bottle in Sana’s hand. The bottle, though, was practically empty since it'd spent the majority of it's last seconds of life spilling all over the whining drunk girl, the struggling pitiful best friend, and the unfortunate kitchen floor.

“Okayy!” Jeongyeon freed Sana from Momo. Or was it the other way around? “We are going to sober you up now, Minatozaki.”

Usually Sana didn't get so inhiberated. The sociology major had a strict "it's not consent if I'm drunk" motto and, grimacing, Jeongyeon knew Sana and Dahyun did more than just sleep after parties. Plus, usually when they went out, Jihyo would stop them from getting too drunk since Twice's captain was pretty strict on ensuring everyone stayed physically in top shape for volleyball. However, for tonight, it was just Jeongyeon, Sana, and Momo.

Dahyun and Chaeyoung had gone back home to celebrate Chaeyoung’s little brother’s birthday while Jihyo was pulling a late study session night at the library for an upcoming exam. Mina avoided parties at all costs. Tzuyu had declined the invitation tonight, saying she was too tired from archery practice, and Nayeon... well, it was Nayeon.

The older girl had a well of friends that kept her busy and occupied. She wondered if Nayeon was at another party tonight. She wouldn’t be surprised.

However, Jeongyeon knew that Twice had practice tomorrow and that they would all be together again since everyone knew better than to test Jihyo's ire. Speaking of which, Jihyo would kill them (Jeongyeon, Momo, and Sana) if Sana went to practice hung over.

Well, not if Dahyun killed them first. The second year was scarily protective of her girlfriend.

Jeongyeon sighed, glaring at the can in her hand while trying to steady Sana.

She was not about to die because of this stupid thing.

“I want my Dubu,” Sana repeated as she twisted in Jeongyeon's arms to look at Momo. “Let’s go get her, Momo-ya!”

“Satang, we’ll see her tomorrow,” the other Japanese girl reminded her with a sigh. She looked at Jeongyeon over Sana’s head. “I think it’s time to go home.”

Sana sniffled. “Momo-yaaa!”

“I think so too,” Jeongyeon said with a laugh as Momo came over to help balance Sana. “Come on, Sana. We don’t want you hungover when your girl gets back.”

“My girl~” Sana sighed dreamily before becoming deadweight in Jeongyeon’s arms.

Thank god Momo was already holding up the other girl or else the two of them would have toppled. Sana continued being useless the whole walk home.

At one point, Sana thought she saw Dahyun and ran off, surprisingly strong despite Momo and Jeongyeon’s grasp on her. However, the Japanese girl only made it a few steps before tripping over the sidewalk. 

Of all the Twice members, Sana was the clumsiest sober. 

Drunk, she was even worse. 

Within seconds, Jeongyeon was by Sana’s side. The drunk girl whined in pain as Momo helped lift her back up. The rest of the way back to the Twice pod was less hectic, but more whining from Sana. They tried to be as quiet as possible upon entering the pod.

Jeongyeon noted right away that three of the four rooms had their doors wide open with the lights off.

It was a common thing that Jihyo had started in the beginning to alert the pod when the younger girl was in, busy, or out. Closed doors meant don’t come in and opened doors meant meant come in and if the lights were off with the doors open, it meant Jihyo was obviously away.

The rest of the pod started doing the same within a month and Jeongyeon learned to go with it too.

Stumbling towards the room Sana and Dahyun shared, she glanced over at Jihyo’s dark room. She wondered how late her best friend was planning to study for. Maybe after taking care of Sana, she would go scour the library and ensure the younger girl get some sleep.

She glanced over at Momo and Mina’s closed door. Mina was either asleep or in the middle of a game. She couldn’t help but chuckle. If there was someone who hated parties more than she did, it would be Mina.

Momo silently helped her bring Sana to the room the sociology major shared with Dahyun. Once they settled Sana onto her bed (which everyone knew really wasn’t actually Sana’s since the couple slept on Dahyun’s bed every night), Momo apologized before heading out the room. 

When Momo was gone, she turned her full attention to the other girl.

While Sana had stopped whining, Jeongyeon groaned as she knelt in front of Sana. She carefully took hold of the girl’s ankle. It didn’t look swollen, but God, if Sana sprained her ankle from tonight, she wouldn’t hear the end of it from Jihyo.

The younger girl would chew her out before killing Sana. And Dahyun?

Dahyun would kill—

“Are you going to take care of me the way you took care of Nayeon unnie?”

She stiffened, body growing still. Lifting her head, she looked up at Sana.

The Japanese girl was looking at her with soft eyes, lips formed into a half smile. The drunken slur was gone, Sana’s eyes alert.

Pale fingers reached over, running through her hair.

“You don’t have to look so afraid when I mention her,” Sana whispered as she pulled her ankle away. Jeongyeon licked her lips, blinking before looking back down at Sana’s foot. “It’s just Na—”

“Yah, if you sprained your foot, Jihyo and Dahyun are going to kill me!” She reached for Sana’s ankle again. “Can you just hold still?”

The fingers in her hair disappeared.

Jeongyeon’s heart skipped a beat as they reappeared against her cheeks, cool against her warm skin. 

“If Dahyunnie ever broke up with me,” the soft voice trembled, mimicking Jeongyeon’s hands, “will I become afraid of her like you are of Nayeon?”

She blinked, jerking back.

“Wait. How do you know...”

 _J_ _ihyo._

Swallowing, Jeongyeon pulled away. She turned her body until she was sitting with her back against Sana’s bed. Her breath hitched as her palms grew clammy, heartbeat picking up.

She wasn’t afraid of Nayeon and she couldn’t imagine Sana ever losing Dahyun.

She couldn’t imagine Dahyun not loving Sana.

“I’m not afraid. And that would never happen. Dahyun’s not Na—” and the name stopped, lodged against her throat. She let out a shuddering breath, fingers digging into her face as she covered her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this. You’re _drunk_ , Sana. We’ll talk about it later.”

She shifted to get up, but Sana's hands pulled her back down.

“But you won’t. We both know that you won’t, Jeongyeon.” Sana’s voice was quiet, but _it felt so loud_. “It’s been almost three years now. And... and I’ve never heard you say her name. Not even once.” The fingers returned to her hair, combing through the long strands in a hypnotic motion. “It’s just a name. It’s just Nayeon.” A pause. “She cares a lot about you, you know?”

“She really does, Jeongyeon.” 

Her head snapped up, meeting Momo’s eyes as her ex-roommate slipped into the room. The door closed with a soft click behind her. 

Jeongyeon’s eyes grew wide, heart racing, as Momo knelt down in front of her. The fingers in her hair disappeared, the frame jostling as Sana got off the bed. Neither touched her, but Jeongyeon felt them so acutely that she wanted to scratch at her skin, wanted to shove them away and demand that they stop. 

Just… _stop_.

“Do you remember,” Sana began, voice calm and soothing, “what you told me when I realized I liked Dahyun?” Jeongyeon didn’t, but Sana apparently wasn’t really asking, continuing without an answer. “You told me to go for it. That my biggest regret would be never knowing how _good_ we could be. That my biggest regret, would be never having her at all. I always wondered where those words came from.” 

Before she could wrap her head around the words or even recall if she had said that, Momo spoke.

“Jeongyeon, Sana and I… when we first met, you’d already allowed us so many liberties. You let Sana come over whenever she wanted and even invited her to live with us." Momo shifted closer. "So when we met Nayeon, we didn’t want to force you to talk about something you obviously weren't ready to talk about." A sigh. "But I’m going to ask you now what I should have two years ago.” 

Jeongyeon felt frozen. She could only stare into Momo’s eyes and feel as the Japanese girl stared back. 

She knew what Momo was going to ask and she didn’t want to hear it. 

She didn’t—

“During our first year, that’s when the nightmares started right? But before that, there was the night you came back,” Momo paused, eyes furrowing, “the night you came back crying and then missed almost two weeks of classes… was that because of Nayeon?” Momo bit her lips. “Is she the reason for that night? Why the nightmares started?”

Jeongyeon shot up, breaking Sana’s hold on her. With Sana and Momo blocking her path, the only way left was backwards. Her knees hit the bed, legs giving out from underneath her and she sat down with a thud.

She curled her hands into fists as she glared at the two who remained kneeling in front of her.

“What?! No, of course not! They’re just _nightmares_ , Momo. People get them, okay? A-and what happened between me and… and…” She brought the heels of her palms to her eyes, breathing out harshly. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn't… It doesn’t _matter_ so just leave it alone and—“

“Jeongyeon.” She could hear Sana’s frown despite the tempered voice. 

Then Momo’s soft “ _Please_ ” reached her.

But it was their hands, their hands that broke her.

Warm hands freed her face and filled in the spaces between her fingers, holding tightly onto her. Their touches brought back memories of that night. The night Nayeon finally told her the truth after weeks of chasing the older girl for an answer... _b_ _egging_ for an answer. 

She should have known the truth would destroy her. And it did. And three years ago, it had been in Momo and Sana’s arms that she cried in, that held her as her world fell apart.

Jeongyeon knew she owed them. She owed a lot of people, a lot of things. Maybe it was time to finally start paying up.

With a sigh and a scoff, she finally spoke.

“ _I messed up._ ”

She squeezed her eyes shut, hands curling around Sana’s and Momo’s.

“I messed up, okay? I pushed Nayeon when I shouldn't have. I embarrassed her and myself in front of dozens of people and it just... I don't know why I did it. It was humilating, but I was just so angry and so confused. I just wanted her to talk to me. And she did and still, I begged her to stay." She let out a laugh, the sound falling like broken glass onto the floor. “Honestly, I knew we were over way before that night, but I just didn’t want to believe it. I was so _stupid_.”

She felt Momo's lips press a kiss against her knuckles as Sana tightened her grip. They were simple acts, but they were enough.

“Nayeon and I… we started going out the summer before I turned thirteen. I’ve... I’ve loved her since I was nine but I didn’t start falling in love until I was twelve and then Nayeon kissed me and we... we just happened. We just fell together."

She paused, heart pounding loudly against her chest.

"And even though we were so young, we were planning out the future together. We talked about how after high school we would help run her family store so her parents could rest. We made plans on which neighborhood we wanted to live, what kind of home we were going to build, and even how we would get married and... and _kids_. We talked about having _kids_ and what their names would be and how many... but...”

She stopped, squeezing her eyes.

”But then my grandma passed away when I was a freshman and... and after she was gone, there was no reason to stay. So my dad moved us to Seoul the summer before my sophomore year.” 

Jeongyeon opened her eyes, staring at the ground. 

“Nayeon and I kept in contact up until the beginning of my junior year. We called each other almost everyday during that time. We sent emails and packages every week. It wasn't the same, but it was still so _good_. Then Nayeon,” she squeezed the hands in hers, “Nayeon stopped responding to me.”

And Jeongyeon, being stubborn and foolish, had just thought something happened to the older girl. She remembered how the silence grew. How the days turned into weeks. The weeks into months and months into years.

Years of silence. Years of confusion and hurt.

But also hope. Hope that any day now, Nayeon would call her back and tell her that the older girl had just been busy with her senior year. That she was busy living life after high school running the Im family business. 

Hope that there was a reason for the silence. 

That it wasn't what Jeongyeon feared. 

“And Jihyo?” Momo tugged on her hand, bringing her back from the past. “What about Jihyo? All three of you grew up together, right?”

Jeongyeon slowly nodded, eyes studying Momo’s hand around hers.

“Jihyo didn’t know what was wrong either.” She shook her head. “It became obvious that she was uncomfortable talking about Nayeon after I kept asking and I… I became scared that Jihyo would stop talking to me too so I stopped. I stopped mentioning Nayeon. But then the weeks grew between each of our messages and soon, we lost contact during my senior year.”

She would never _not_ feel guilty about that. The younger girl hadn’t deserved the silence Jeongyeon gave her.

“And Nayeon’s name?” She turned her head towards Sana when the other girl spoke. “Why can’t you say her name?”

Something swelled up her throat. The memory of how it all ended came back to her.

The memory of Jeongyeon waiting outside of Nayeon’s dorm. Of the shouting and the screaming when Nayeon _finally_ talked to her. Of falling onto her knees, begging Nayeon not to walk away. Of Nayeon _walking_ away.

Her throat constricted painfully, the memory of calling out Nayeon’s name until her voice grew hoarse washing over her.

Jeongyeon wasn't sure what she felt anymore. In the memory, she can recall the anger and the confusion. The shame.

However, it's been years since then.

The anger has simmered away. The confusion faded. The shame, just a lingering afterthought.

But one thing has never changed.

One thing has stayed constant since she the last farewell she shared with Nayeon and Jihyo at the steps of her childhood home. The home her grandma had lived and raised her.

Sometimes, it felt like it was the only thing she actually felt nowadays.

“It _hurts._ Saying her name, hurts.” She blinked back tears, trying to keep down the emotions churning inside of her. “The last time I said her name, it’d been to try and fix whatever we had left. I _begged_ her to not walk away, but she walked away anyways. She walked away and... and she _never_ came back.” 

The Nayeon that walked away from Jeongyeon that day had been her first love and her best friend. And the Nayeon that Jeongyeon saw now, the one who teased her during practices, who spoke her name so boldly and without fear, wasn’t the Nayeon that once loved Jeongyeon.

It wasn’t _her_ Nayeon.

“You still love her,” gentle fingers touched her cheeks, “don’t you.”

Sana's words weren’t a question, but Jeongyeon wished they were because then she could have said no. However, when it came Im Nayeon, the one who loved her and the one who didn’t, Jeongyeon never had a choice. 

Because even broken, Nayeon was her first love. 

Even broken, Nayeon was her _only_ love.

Shaking her head, she pulled up her legs and let go of the two hands holding hers. She curled her arms around her knees as she rested her forehead against the rough fabric of her jeans. When that didn’t stop the shaking, she began to rock her body. She began to count in her head, began to try and count away the memories.

They said time was the cure for a broken heart.

Jeongyeon was still counting the seconds for that moment to come.

But as the uncontrollable shaking continued, she could feel as the seconds trickled by and with each second, a sudden dread filled her. It crawled down her throat, slithered into her lungs and wrapped itself around her airway. 

What if that time never came? 

What if no matter how high she counted, she would never get high enough to a time when she no longer loved Nayeon. High enough to time when she no longer felt the loss of Nayeon.

A sharp gasp escaped her chest and the tears she’d been holding back broke free. 

“Shh,” Momo’s voice fell over her, “it’s okay, Jeong.”

Hot tears streamed down her face as everything she’d try to hide, tried to keep inside and locked away, tore itself from her. 

“It’ll be okay,” Sana echoed, before humming a song that Jeongyeon didn’t recognize.

Hands reached for her, running through her hair and down her back.

Hands, Sana’s and Momo’s hands, held her down as she fell apart. 

**...**

**..**

**.**

_“S-sana?”_

_“You need to fix this.”_

_“What? Sana, it’s two in the morning. What happ_ — _”_

_“I love you, unnie, but I don’t think I can forgive you if you don’t tell her the truth.”_

_“Sana_ — _”_

_“Just fix this, Nayeon.” A sniffle. “Please.”_

_Click._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am sorry for how heavy this ended, but thank you for reading and I hope to finish the next chapter soon.


	5. right way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long! I am so sorry! But here is the next chapter.

**Chapter 4**

* * *

** >>> _right way round_** **< <<**

* * *

“So let’s just start simple,” the kind voice began, “why are you here?”

Jeongyeon shifted in her seat, the leather couch more uncomfortable than it should be. Or maybe it was just the whole situation. She was never going to a party with Sana and Momo ever again. Drunk Sana always got too close for her liking, physically and emotionally. 

Covering her snort with a cough, Jeongyeon focused back on the situation at hand. 

Right. Why _was_ she here? 

“Because if I didn’t come on my own, my friends would have dragged me.” And she would rather not have to face Sana and Momo after a therapy session with a total stranger. 

She definitely was not going to mention her night terrors or ex-girlfriend either.

Who the hell goes to a therapist to get over an ex? 

She quickly stole another glance at the woman across from her. The therapist looked a little too young to be a therapist. And too pretty. And too nice. 

Not that Jeongyeon had ever seen or talked to a therapist before. Hopefully, this would be the only therapist she’ll ever be forced to see.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time, but I’m just going to come to a few more of these.” She sighed. “Momo would probably be easier to persuade after a few more sessions and she’ll help talk to Sana for me.”

“Well,” the therapist smiled at her, eyes still far too kind, “if you’re going to be here just a few more times, how about we get to know each other? It would be nice if we can at least fill our sessions with conversation.” A pause. “Is that okay?”

Nodding slowly, Jeongyeon wished she remembered the woman’s name, but she’ll just settle for the therapist right now. It didn’t matter anyways. 

“Uh, sure.” She rubbed her hands together, knuckles digging into her palm. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Thank you, Jeongyeon-ssi! It makes me feel better knowing we won’t be sitting in silence until your last session.” The smile on the older woman’s face grew, her eyes crinkling at the side. “But who are Momo and Sana? Are they your roommates?”

“Ex-roommates.” Jeongyeon frowned. “Well, actually, Momo and I were assigned first year roommates. Sana just ended up being over so much that she moved in. Now we’re friends and teammates.”

“Teammates? Are you on a school team?”

“Oh, no! No... we play on an intramural volleyball team.” Jeongyeon let out a sheepish laugh. “We compete in an annual tournament held at one of the local high schools every summer.”

“Ah! Volleyball, huh? I played too, back in the day.” The therapist leaned back in her chair, one finger tapping her chin. “Would you say you’re a competitive person?”

Jeongyeon rubbed her neck. “Actually, it’s sorta annoying how competitive it can get and the only really competitive ones on the team are Jihyo and Na—Im.” 

She licked her lips, eyes staring down at her hands.

“And who are they?” 

If the older woman noticed the slip, she didn’t mention it. Jeongyeon shifted in her seat, fingers clasping together as she leaned on her knees. 

“They’re… we go way back.” A sigh left her lips as she shifted once more in her seat. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh? How long have you known each other?” 

Jeongyeon kept her eyes on her hands, mind turning over the answer in her head before she finally said something. 

“Since elementary. I was born in Seoul, you see, but my grandmother raised my sisters and I. She lived in a small town in Cheongsong about five hours away. That’s where we met.” A pause as she laughed silently to herself. “Jihyo was our little shadow. Even though she’s only a year younger than me, she’s always been ‘little’ since she was the youngest.”

“And Im?” 

“The oldest.” She sucked in a sharp breath before chuckling. “But you wouldn’t know it because she was always such a brat. The baby of the group, actually. She was clingy, whined all the time, and cried easily. She stopped crying as much, though, once we hit middle school, but her clinginess and whining only got worse.”

And then she slipped into a tale of when Nayeon came crying to her because the older girl had accidentally broken her favorite colored pencils. That following month, Jeongyeon had begged her parents to buy a new set for Nayeon’s tenth birthday. Two weeks, Nayeon had given that same set to Jihyo when the younger girl got her markers stolen at school. Then, it’d taken the combined strengths of Nayeon and Jeongyeon to stop Jihyo from beating up the boy who stole the younger girl’s markers. 

It was for not, though, since Nayeon ended up in “detention” a week after. 

The oldest had pushed the boy when he tried to take Jihyo’s colored pencil set, the same one Jeongyeon had given to Nayeon who then gave it to Jihyo. Jeongyeon and Jihyo had stayed after school that day, waiting for Nayeon to finish detention. And when the oldest was finally released, the first thing she’d ask was if Jihyo was okay.

That was probably the first time Jeongyeon realized she more than just loved Nayeon. 

Loved how much Nayeon loved Jihyo. 

Loved how much Nayeon _loved_.

“They both sound like amazing people. It must have been fun growing up with them.”

Fun? Yes. Amazing? That and more. 

Her childhood, growing up exploring the small town with Jihyo and Nayeon on their bicycles… going home everyday to her grandma and her sisters… falling in love with Nayeon, being _loved_ by Nayeon. And Jihyo? Little Park Jihyo who went along with her pranks against Nayeon without a question. Who followed her and Nayeon like a shadow, always so curious and always so bold. 

It had been a great childhood. More than that even. It had been beautiful. Fairytale like. Unfortunately, not all fairytales ended happily.

“I guess,” Jeongyeon murmured, lifting her eyes to look over the other woman’s shoulder. 

“Who else is a part of your team? Do you have a name?”

Her mind began to wander as the woman across from her began asking more questions. Even as she answered them, she began counting down the seconds until this session was over.

…

“Oh! Unnie!” Chaeyoung’s voice brought her head up, Jeongyeon’s spoon hovering halfway to her lips as she turned her head to the girl sitting next to her. “How did the appointment this morning go?”

From her other side, Dahyun asked in a small voice, “was your therapist nice?”

She couldn’t help but smile. She’d told the rest of Twice last night during dinner. She didn’t think anyone would have remembered, but truly, she shouldn’t be surprised. 

“It went well,” she answered before setting down her spoon. Across from her, she felt as Momo and Mina turned their eyes to her. She shot her ex-roommate a quick glance before turning back to the Dubchaeng duo. “She was kind and I am actually looking forward to our next session.”

Not quite the truth, but the words left her lips effortlessly. Her white lie, though, brought bright smiles onto the two younger girls’ faces as she glanced between the two. Something heavy grew in her chest.

“I’m really happy you decided to see someone.” Mina’s soft words pulled her gaze and she looked across the table at the younger girl. “It’s been hard watching you struggle all these years, Jeongyeon. I know my own sessions have been helping me… so I hope yours can help you too, unnie.”

Her chest twisted at the proud look Mina gave her. The reminder of Mina’s struggles with her mental health caused her heart to ache. 

Mina’s anxiety had taken a turn with all the pressure to win in last summer’s tournament. Jihyo had wanted so badly to beat Joohyun before the older girl ‘retired’ from volleyball. While Twice’s captain hadn’t put any pressure on them, they’d all felt how anxious Jihyo became with each practice. However, no one had noticed Mina’s slow decline, not even Jihyo, until the Japanese girl broke down during their last practice before the tournament. 

The biology major had then gone home for the rest of the summer, missing the tournament and didn’t return until the night before classes started. Twice had been a mess without Mina. Jihyo hadn’t even cared that Joohyun took home the trophy. 

No one knew if Mina would be returning to Twice. 

When the younger girl showed up for the first practice of the semester, it’d become a crying fest. Then the biology major revealed that she’d begun seeing someone from the counseling center for her anxiety. Since then Jeongyeon and everyone else kept a close eye on her.

Jeongyeon turned away from Mina’s gaze. 

She… she didn’t deserve Mina’s words. For the first time, she began to wonder if Sana and Momo were right. If even Mina was worried, maybe Jeongyeon really _did_ need help.

Chest heaving, she murmured a soft ‘thank you’ to the younger girl, unable to say anything else. Everyone must have picked up her mood, though, since the somber atmosphere started fading away with Dubchaeng’s laughter and jokes. 

Lunch eventually came to an end when Mina stood up, announcing that she needed to find a spot in the library. As Jeongyeon and the two other younger girls said their goodbyes to Mina, Momo put up a fight. 

“Can’t you wait a little longer?” Momo’s wide eyes glanced between Mina and the second bowl of jokbal on her tray. “I’m almost done. I can walk you out!”

With a soft giggle, the bio student shook her head. “Momoring, it’s okay. I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

Momo pursed her lips, head and shoulders slumping down. The younger girl gave Momo a gummy smile before turning away with her tray. Jeongyeon tried not to scoff as Momo’s gaze followed Mina out of the cafetaria. She laughed softly to herself before picking up her phone to check the time.

“Oh, wait.” Chaeyoung’s voice drew her gaze from the screen. “What time is it?”

“1:30PM,” Jeongyeon answered before setting her phone down. She still had plenty of time before her next lecture. “Why? Are you leaving too?

“Yea,” Chaeyoung picked up her tray before looking at her phone, “I have a tutoring session tonight so I’m going to get a bag lunch for dinner. Plus the lunch bag lady always gives me an extra sandwich once the 1PM rush ends!”

“Oh! Let me go with you, Chaeng!” Dahyun quickly swallowed the rest of her soup in two gulps before standing up with Chae, tray in hand. “Sana unnie hasn’t had lunch yet!”

Chaeyoung scoffed, muttering something underneath her breath that Jeongyeon knew wasn’t in Dahyun’s favor, but the other girl just waved goodbye to Momo and her. Chaeyoung followed the movement before trailing after Dahyun, the two younger girls leaving Jeongyeon and Momo.

Momo pouted after the two. “I wish someone would get me bag lunches when I forget to eat.”

“You would if you weren’t such a chicken,” Jeongyeon murmured before sipping on her cup of water. 

Momo’s head snapped towards her, eyes furrowing together. “Huh? What is that supposed to mean, Jeong?”

She set her cup down, sucking in a sharp breath before letting it out. With a small shrug, she lifted her gaze and met Momo’s eyes. 

When she’d stumbled upon the truth of Momo’s feelings for Jihyo’s first year roommate, she hadn’t said anything. She’d wanted Momo to figure things out herself. But it’s been almost two years now. Plus, she felt that she had some say now that Momo was nosing herself into Jeongyeon’s love life. _Ex_ -love life, but still.

Licking her lips, she shrugged again before playing with the cup in her palm.

“I don’t know, Momoring,” she began, eyes falling away until they settled on the rims of her cup, “just that maybe if you actually got courage and asked Mina out, I’m sure you’ll be getting surprised lunch bags with love notes too.”

“Wh-what?” Momo’s tray shot out, hitting hers and causing the cup in her palms to spill a little at the unexpected contact. 

Frowning, she quickly set her cup aside and reached for some napkins. As she cleaned up the spill, she sighed down at the sudden mess in front of her. Without looking up, she told the Japanese girl as nonchalantly as she could, “I’m not blind. I know when my friend likes someone, Momo.”

She bit her lips, not wanting to reveal her thoughts on how Mina probably also returned Momo’s feelings. That was something she knew better than to bring up, no matter how nosy Momo had become in her insistence that Jeongyeon get therapy. She had expected more panicking so her ex-roommate’s next response caused her head to snap up, the mess forgotten. 

“Really? _You_ know when your friends like someone?”

Frowning, Jeongyeon met Momo’s suddenly unreadable eyes. “I’ve known you have feelings for Mina since Twice’s first tournament.”

“You’ve known I have feelings for _Mina_ since Twice’s first tournament?”

Jeongyeon’s frown deepened. “Okay, stop repeating everything I’m saying.” She clenched the napkin in her fingers. “Momo, you should go for it. You and Mina would be great together.”

Momo’s face twisted, brows furrowing as her eyes lowered. “Jeongyeon, that… you…” The Japanese girl shook her head before picking up a fork and stabbing at the remaining jokbal in front of her. “You don’t see as much as you think you do, Jeong.”

“So what? You’re telling me I’m wrong? Look me in the eye and tell me you _don’t_ like Mina.” 

Her voice was firm, challenging Momo even as she knew the other girl wouldn’t lie. Momo was never one to lie. That was only Jeongyeon. 

Her ex-roommate let out a loud sigh before raising her head. Their gaze met. When Momo said nothing, Jeongyeon’s fingers loosened on the napkin in her hand. She looked back down at the table and finished cleaning up the mess.

“When you and Sana asked me to go to therapy, you told me not to be scared about what I’m feeling.” She licked her lips, setting the trash to the side before looking back at Momo. “You shouldn’t be either, Momo-ya.”

“It’s not that I’m afraid, Jeong,” Momo’s eyes suddenly became soft, “it’s that things are much more complicated than what you see.”

She frowned, about to reply more when Momo stood up. The Japanese girl looked down at the ground, fingers clenching tightly around her tray.

“I have to go. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow, Jeong.”

Jeongyeon groaned, mentally cursing herself as Momo walked away. She shouldn’t have said anything. Momo hadn’t even finished her jokbal. Damn it.

…

..

.

_“Are you still mad at me?”_

_“I’m not mad, unnie, just disappointed.” A pause. “She’s going to therapy now, did you know that?”_

_“...Jihyo told me.”_

_“And? Aren’t you curious about why?”_

_“It’s not any of my business, Sana.”_

_“And maybe that’s the issue, unnie. Maybe it’s time to make it your business.”_

_“Sana, please. You and Jihyo need to stop. It’s not easy—”_

_“Exactly. It isn’t easy. So you might as well take the hard route, right?” Another sigh. “Just think about it, okay?”_

_“I can’t make any promises, Sana.”_

_“I know. I just need to know you’ll try.”_

_“...”_

_“Oh, Nayeon…”_

**:::**

“...so Jeongyeon-ssi, I realize I never asked this, but did the three of you decide to come to uni together?”

Jeongyeon blinked. Her mind raced, wondering how they got to this topic. 

She’d found that it was scarily easy to talk to the therapist across from her. The woman was just so friendly and kind. In their past few sessions, the therapist had snuck her way into Jeongyeon’s life, pulling secrets from Jeongyeon that she’s never revealed before.

And this particular secret was one she’d held onto for so long.

When she remained silent, the woman across from her gently prodded her with a soft, “it must have been difficult to make the decision to leave Cheongsong, but I bet it was easier to make it together, huh?”

Decision? Jeongyeon wanted to scoff. She never had a choice. 

Everything happened so suddenly, losing her grandmother, moving to Seoul, losing Nayeon and then Jihyo. Even losing Jihyo hadn’t felt like a choice. Like it had been inevitable after Nayeon that Jihyo would stop talking to her too. 

Maybe that was why she hadn’t fought harder to remain connected with the younger girl.

Sucking in a sharp breath, she shook her head slowly.

“No, it wasn’t like that.” She ran a hand through her hair, removing the glasses off her face. “I, uh, my grandmother passed away after my freshman year so my father moved us to Seoul. I didn’t,” she rubbed her brows with one hand as the other hand held her glasses, “I didn’t think I was going to see them again. It was… nothing was planned.”

Not her grandmother’s death, not the move to Seoul, not Nayeon breaking up with her, and not even losing touch with Jihyo. Not ending up here, back with Jihyo and Nayeon. 

“Oh.” 

Jeongyeon put her glasses back on and saw as the kind eyes watching her softened. She looked away to escape the too understanding gaze. 

“I’m sorry, Jeongyeon-ssi. To lose your grandmother so suddenly and then move to a new city away from your friends… it must have been hard.”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the worst. I made good friends here and my dad’s restaurant got better business here.” She licked her lips. “There were - _are_ \- more opportunities in Seoul than Cheongsong.”

At least that’s what her parents had told her back then. Fingers dug into her knees. Her parents, especially her father, never failed to remind Jeongyeon that Seoul could provide more than Cheongsong could. 

More chances at a better future, more jobs to choose from, more friends to make, more people fall in love with. More and more and more and more… even if none of it were what Jeongyeon wanted. Even if she hadn’t wanted more to begin with.

“Were you able to keep in contact with Jihyo-ssi and Im after the move? You said it wasn’t planned, so it must have been a nice surprise to see them again!”

Jeongyeon stiffened, eyes looking away from the floor to the door. Her fingers froze on her knees. “I guess.” 

Swallowing, she nodded absently at the older woman’s next words. She didn’t want to talk anymore about Jihyo and Nayeon, about the ‘nice surprise’ that was her reunion with Nayeon after two years of silence. 

The first time Jeongyeon saw Nayeon again had been like a dream. It had been unexpected. It had been… it had been the first time in a long time that Jeongyeon had felt _happy_.

She’d been sitting at the uni cafe with Jiyeon unnie, the two having been assigned as lab partners for introductory biology. One moment, she was smiling at Jiyeon as the older girl explained where to find the best cafes in the area and the next, Jeongyeon was being pulled away by a laughter she hadn’t heard in years. The laughter of the girl she’d loved since she was nine. 

It was different, older and much more raspy, but she knew, without a doubt, that it belonged to the girl she left behind in Cheongsong. 

It was Nayeon’s laughter.

She’d left Jiyeon without an explanation. She’d searched for the source of the sound and upon seeing Nayeon for the first time in three years, Jeongyeon had frozen. She must have looked like an idiot, standing there in the middle of a stream of students. 

But she hadn’t been able to move. She’d been afraid that she was dreaming. Then Nayeon disappeared from sight and all she could remember thinking was how much she didn’t want to lose Nayeon. Not again. 

So she gave chase. And what a chase it was. What a catch. 

Shaking her head, she abruptly stood up. The women across from her jerked back into her seat, head snapping up as brown eyes widened. She looked at the clock before turning back to the therapist in front of her.

“Can I leave a few minutes early? I forgot I have a shift at the gym.” An obvious lie, but the woman didn’t call her out. Instead, she received a half lipped smile.

“Of course. I’ll see you next week, Jeongyeon-ssi.”

“Thanks,” she muttered before picking up her backpack by the door and slipping out as fast as possible. But as she walked out of the counseling center, Jeongyeon’s mind couldn’t stop spinning. Couldn’t stop thinking about the way everything ended. 

Sometimes, she wished this _was_ just a dream.

When she caught Nayeon, she’d needed to prove to herself that the other girl was real. She’d reached for familiar hands and upon feeling the long fingers, she’d known without a doubt that the girl in front of her those three dreamlike years ago, had been _her_ Nayeon.

Except that she’d never seen Nayeon look as afraid as she had when the older girl realized it was Jeongyeon holding her hand. But maybe she had just imagined it. Because as soon as their eyes had met, an emotionless mask adjourned itself onto the face of her childhood friend and first love.

Then a girl next to Nayeon spoke and it would be the beginning of the end.

_“Do you know her, unnie?”_

_“No. I don’t.”_

_“Na-Nayeon?” Jeongyeon didn’t understand. “Yah, why are you saying that?”_

_“I’m sorry,” Nayeon blinked and Jeongyeon… Jeongyeon didn’t recognize the face staring back at her. Something cold washed over her. “I think you have the wrong person.”_

_“Nadong,” another girl appeared, drawing the attention of the girl wearing Nayeon’s face. “Hey, we’re going to be late!”_

And the calm detached tone that Nayeon used to dismiss Jeongyeon haunted her to this day. If she hadn’t been such a stubborn idiot, she’d taken that first warning and left Nayeon alone. But hope was such an insidious emotion. 

It was the flame that kept one warm even as it burned everything it touched.

Jeongyeon spent the next month chasing and searching for Nayeon. Her absence drew Sana and Momo insane. It hadn’t helped that she never told them anything. She hadn’t had the strength. 

It wasn’t until she accidentally let it slip to Jiyeon unnie that she finally got the information she needed. 

That night, after hours sitting outside of Nayeon’s dorm, her chase finally came to an end. 

She finally caught Im Nayeon.

_“Nayeon unnie.” The name slipped from her lips like a silent prayer. Then louder, she called out again, “Nayeon unnie!”_

_“J-Jeongyeon?” Nayeon stopped in her tracks, brown eyes wide. Jeongyeon’s heart soared at hearing her name from the familiar voice. “What are you doing here? How did you find—“_

_“A friend told me you lived here.” Jeongyeon took a step closer. “What’s going on, Nabongs? Why did you tell those girls that you didn’t know me?”_

_Long trembling fingers ran through Nayeon’s hair as the older girl shook her head._

_“Why are you here, Jeongyeon?”_

_“What do you mean why?” She frowned, heart beating at her chest. “Unnie… it’s been so long. Y-you stopped responding to me.”_

_When Nayeon only continued to look away in silence, Jeongyeon stepped towards her again._

_“Can you at least tell me why?” A sharp breath in. “Why you stopped?” What I did wrong, went unsaid._

_Nayeon finally looked at her and Jeongyeon’s world shook._

_“It was a long time ago, Jeongyeon-ah. It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” Nayeon shook her head, taking a step away. “It’s better if we just let the past stay in the past.”_

_A staggered breath out. “Is that what you really want?”_

_“It’s not,” and hope roared to life inside of Jeongyeon’s chest, burning and burning and burning, before extinguishing when Nayeon finished with a soft, “it’s what I need.”_

_“Nadong!” A voice drew Nayeon’s brown eyes from hers._

_Pink lips parted with a soft, “I have to go.”_

_“What? Now?” Jeongyeon’s heart clenched painfully. “B-but, unnie, we need to talk! You can’t just—”_

_“I have somewhere to be, Jeongyeon-ah.”_

_The dismissal, the detached voice, ignited a different kind of fire inside of Jeongyeon. Fingers clenching into fists by her side, she took a step towards Nayeon._

_“You don’t get to call me that while treating me like a complete stranger!”_

_Nayeon’s head snapped back to her, brown eyes widening before looking away._

_“...okay, I won’t.”_

_Jeongyeon blinked, the fire inside dying as the air rushed out of her lungs._

_“N-no, wait.” She reached for the older girl, fingers uncurling. “I didn’t mean that, unnie.”_

_The older girl shook her head. “No, you’re right. You’re… you’re right.” Another step away. “It’s best if we just pretend we don’t know each other.”_

_“Nadong?” A pretty girl appeared behind them, eyes wide. “Oh. It’s you. I should leave—“_

_“No.” Nayeon closed her eyes. “I have to go now.”_

_“Don’t. Don’t go.” A sharp gasp. “Not like this, Nayeon.”_

_But the older girl just shook her head. Brown eyes reopened, looking past her. Jeongyeon didn’t know this Nayeon._

_She didn’t recognize this Nayeon._

_“It’s better this way, Yoo.”_

_“No! Unnie, stay.” Jeongyeon shook her head. “Please stay.”_

_She felt as the world collapsed inside of her, shrinking and crumbling and shattering._

_Pink lips parted and from them fell a soft, “I’m sorry.”_

_“Unnie,” she whispered as the other girl turned away._

_The fire from earlier ignited inside of her again, given life by the emotions coursing through her veins. Whatever was left inside of her burned, crackling and breaking, as she sucked in a sharp breath._

_“N-Nayeon!” Her voice grew and she stumbled forward, her feet chasing after the other girl still. “Don’t you dare walk away, Nayeon!”_

_She tripped in her haste and upon falling, landed on her knees. Her fingers clenched, twisting the fabric of her pants._

_She ignored the eyes that bored into her. Ignored the crowd her voice drew._

_She had eyes only for the girl walking away from her._

_“Nayeon unnie!” Tears bit into her eyes, chest squeezing as her eyes blurred. She couldn’t look away. “Nayeon unnie! Unnie!”_

_But as she continued calling out after the older girl, she could only watch through tear stained vision as Nayeon’s back grew more and more distant until it disappeared from view._

Shaking her head of the memory, Jeongyeon rubbed harshly at her eyes. 

Where were her glasses? Fuck.

She sucked in a sharp staggering breath before knocking on the familiar door. She knew that the other girl didn’t have classes. She knew the other girl should be in. Should be—

“Jeongyeon unnie?” Dahyun’s voice faltered towards the end, door creaking open.

She forced a smile, placing a palm on the door. “Hi Dahyun. Can I come in?”

“O-of course! But unnie,” Dahyun opened the door wider, “what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Her eyes fell towards the door that she was looking for, but her heart sank as she noticed the darkened bedroom. 

Where was Jihyo?

“I, uh, I can text her you’re here, unnie,” the pianist stammered as she hovered next to Jeongyeon. She hadn’t even realized she voiced her question out loud. 

Nodding, she mumbled a quick thank you to Dahyun before making her way to Jihyo’s dark bedroom. She set her backpack against the open door before pausing by Jihyo’s desk. She usually avoided looking over at this area whenever she came in here to annoy her best friend. 

The reason for her avoidance stared back at her. 

Taking a step towards it, Jeongyeon came to stop once she was standing directly in front of it. With a sigh, she reached out and took the picture frame into her hand.

It was a candid photo that the Seoyeons (her older sister with Nayeon’s and Jihyo’s little sisters) had taken when the three of them hadn’t been looking. She didn’t even know the photo existed until this year when she stumbled upon it while looking for a pair of scissors in Jihyo’s desk. 

It was taken a week before her family moved to Seoul. 

Fifteen year old Jeongyeon sat between a newly fourteen year old Jihyo and an almost seventeen year old Nayeon. The three sat together, looking down at the ground with wide smiles on their faces. Jeongyeon and Jihyo had one arm around each other’s waist while Nayeon’s right hand held Jeongyeon’s left, their intertwined fingers nestled together, hidden from view. 

Letting out a staggered breath, Jeongyeon swallowed the sudden swell of memories forming up her throat. She’d left the photo on top of the desk. It’s been there since. 

Jihyo never mentioned it so neither did she.

There was a soft creak of a door opening and closing behind her. Then the lights turned on.

“Hey,” Jihyo’s concerned voice words trailed to her ears, “Dahyunnie said you were looking for me?”

She continued to study the photo in her hand, fingers clenching into the wooden frame. The memory stared up at her. She was tempted to throw it away. Would it break the way her heart was breaking? Would it shatter? Would it make her feel better?

“Do you remember the day I moved away?”

She felt as Jihyo came to stand behind her.

“Of course,” the younger girl’s voice grew soft. “How could I forget?”

Jeongyeon cradled the frame in her palms, eyes closing. “You and Nayeon followed us on your bikes… all the way to the edge of town.”

Jihyo laughed softly, but it sounded more broken than happy.

“And we watched you until we couldn’t see you anymore, ” Jihyo murmured. There was a moment of silence before, “Nayeon unnie would have kept going if I hadn’t told her to stop. But if I have to be honest, Jeongyeon-ah… I don’t think she actually stopped.”

Eyes opening, she stared down at the photo. “What do you mean?”

Fingers reached in front of her, taking the frame from her hand. She reluctantly let it go and watched as Jihyo placed it back where Jeongyeon left it months before. 

“Even though she returned home with me, it felt as if a part of her went with you too. She wasn’t the same after you left, Jeongyeon-ah... we all became really worried about her. And then I found out she stopped talking to you. Then soon after, _we_ stopped talking.” The younger girl placed a palm against Jeongyeon’s back. “For a long time, I was so angry. Neither of you would tell me what was wrong and then it just became _quiet_. Nayeon stopped hanging out with me and you stopped calling. It felt as if I lost you both the day you left.”

Shaking her head, Jeongyeon tried to wrap her head around that confession. Licking her lips, she twisted around. Their eyes met.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” She shook her head, gesturing to the air, suddenly angry. “You could have said something, Jihyo! If I had known something wrong, I would have talked to her! I would have done _something_! If I knew you were hurting or that something was wrong with Nayeon… why didn’t tell me?”

Jihyo shook her head, backing away until she was sitting on the bed. Their eyes never broke contact.

“Probably for the same reason you won’t tell me what happened between you two.”

Jeongyeon looked away, eyes squeezing shut. “Jihyo, it’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?” 

Her eyes snapped open at the tremble in Jihyo’s voice. She turned her head and met furrowed brown eyes. Jihyo’s arms shook. 

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. You just lost your grandma, Jeongyeon. What was I supposed to say?” The younger girl let out a deep breath, tilting her head back as she stared up at the ceiling and away from Jeongyeon. “But you’re right. I _should_ have told you because keeping silent… it helped no one.” 

Jihyo shook her head before sighing again. Then she stood back up to face Jeongyeon, brown eyes furrowed together.

“I knew something was wrong when Nayeon unnie wouldn’t tell me why she stopped talking to you a-and _you! You_ didn’t even tell me that she did! I found out through our sisters! But I didn’t say anything because I thought it’ll pass… then I came here and found out the two of you have gotten worse.”

Jihyo let out an exasperated breath, pursing her lips. Then she crossed her arms, but it looked more like the younger girl was holding herself. Jeongyeon’s heartache, but she stayed frozen, only able to watch her best friend. 

“I didn’t tell you, but maybe I should have. _Maybe_ I should have told you that Nayeon cried herself to sleep almost every night after you left o-or that Nayeon continued riding to the edge of town almost every day until _she_ left.” The younger girl slumped back onto the bed. “But I didn’t tell you about Nayeon anymore than I told Nayeon about you… you and your night terrors o-or how you don’t laugh anymore. How you flinch at the mere sound of her name.”

The younger girl let out a scoff, rubbing at her eyes.

“Jihyo,” she whispered before hesitantly reaching for her best friend, but Jihyo shook her head, jerking away up so fast, Jeongyeon was forced back. She knocked into the desk as Jihyo fell back onto the bed.

“ _Don’t_. I’m fine, Jeongyeon.” Jihyo waved her hand away before returning to wipe furiously at her eyes. “I just wished you two would stop hurting yourselves. I wish you two would just… just _fix_ whatever it is that broke you a-and if you can’t, then at least tell me the truth.” Hands fell away from tear stained cheeks, reddened brown eyes blinking up at her. “You and Nayeon don’t need to protect me anymore, Jeongyeon-ah.” 

Damp fingers reached for hers and Jeongyeon lifted her hand in return. Small fingers wrapped around hers and she followed the tug that led her to Jihyo’s side. She sat down. Staring down at their fingers, she heard as Jihyo let out a deep breath.

“I won’t leave and I won’t break from the truth.” Jihyo’s trembling fingers covered her. “I won’t hate you for whatever you did and… and I won’t hate Nayeon for whatever she did. You don’t have to keep protecting me. I love you both and I will continue to love you both. But I need you to trust me like I have trusted you.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Jeongyeon let out a sharp breath. She shook her head. 

The words were lodged against her throat, clawing into the sides. The words have been inside of her for so long, she was almost afraid of what they would do if they got out. Afraid of the damage they could create, of the worlds they could burn and break.

But it’s been so long and Jeongyeon owed Jihyo so much. 

So her lips parted, tongue heavy, as she told the truth to Jihyo. She told Jihyo about the dreamlike reunion three years ago. About the first time she saw Nayeon again. About the chase. The catch. She told Jihyo about the nightmares. 

Nightmares where she relived the moments that she lost everything. Driving away from Cheongsong, watching Nayeon and Jihyo chase after her. Sitting by a hospital bed, etching the last visage of her grandma to memory. Kneeling in front of a dormitory, begging Nayeon to stay. Hugging Jihyo for the first time in years, praying the younger didn’t walk away.

She told Jihyo the truth. The truth about how _NayeonandJeongyeon_ fell apart.

How _she’d_ fallen apart.

“...the nightmares aren’t that bad anymore and they'll go away. I had them too when my grandma passed away but it stopped after a few years. But yea... we didn’t talk or even see each other again after that night. It wasn't hard. It’s not like she wanted to see me either. Not after the spectacle in front of her dorm. People talked about it for months afterwards. It wasn’t until winter came that the rumors finally stopped.” 

She licked her lips, continuing to stare down at the hands on top of hers. Jihyo was no longer shaking. Jeongyeon fought hard to not start. Sucking in a deep breath, she shrugged. 

“But I didn’t see her again until you came here and well, you know the rest.”

The hands in her disappeared. She sighed at the loss. Biting her lips, Jeongyeon bowed her head. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Jihyo. 

She just knew that the younger girl must be so disappointed. She hadn’t ever wanted to make Jihyo feel like she had to choose between them. She hadn’t wanted to make Jihyo sad. Hadn’t wanted the younger girl to know Jeongyeon’s greatest shame. She'd wanted to respect's Nayeon's decision to stay silent.

The bed shook as Jihyo stood up. Letting out a sigh, Jeongyeon squeezed her eyes.

“Look, I understand if you—” 

Short arms wrapped around her neck, forcing her face into a warm chest.

Jeongyeon’s eyes widened in surprise, hands rising up before falling back down. 

“Jihyo—”

“You should have told me!” the younger girl breathed against Jeongyeon’s hair. “I should have told you!” The arms around her trembled. Jeongyeon raised her arms and returned the hug, shifting her head so she could breath better. “You and Nayeon are so stupid... _I’m_ so stupid!”

“I guess we all are,” she mumbled before tightening her arms. “But I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

Jihyo pulled away, holding her at arms length and stared at her with an unreadable expression.

“You _need_ to talk to Nayeon, Jeong.”

She sighed, both hands lifting to wrap around Jihyo’s wrists. “Didn’t you hear me? She doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, Hyo. I embarrassed her in front of so many people and I—”

“Don’t do it for her,” Jihyo shook her shoulders, “do it for yourself.”

“Hyo,” Jeongyeon sighed, “I don’t see what telling her would do.”

“It’ll get you Nayeon’s truth.” Jihyo frowned at her, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze. “Trust me when I say, you don’t know or see as much as you think you do.”

Jeongyeon pursed her lips, eyes watching Jihyo’s intently. First Momo and now Jihyo? Yes, Jeongyeon’s stupid, but she wasn’t _that_ stupid. But then again, she was stupid enough to have not seen how much she’d been hurting her friends. Blind enough to not see how worried they’ve been for her.

Swallowing, she sighed. She let go of Jihyo’s wrists and covered the hands on her shoulders.

“Okay,” she conceded softly, “I’ll talk to her when I can.”

“Promise?”

Eyes closing, she nodded. 

“Promise.”

…

..

.

 _“You know, this is a good time to finally talk to her, Nayeon. If she knew you were also getting therapy_ —”

_“Wait! H-how do you know that?”_

_A shrug. “I schedule appointments for the counseling center. I saw your name a couple times.”_

_“Isn’t that illegal?”_

_“What is?”_

_“Sharing client information from the counseling center.”_

_“It’s not illegal if I know you, unnie.”_

_“...Sana, I’m pretty sure that’s still illegal.”_

_A sigh. “You need to stop deflecting.”_

_“I’m not deflecting! You can get into some serious trouble_ —”

 _“You love Jeongyeon!” A huff. “I know you do, so I don’t understand_ _why you just won’t talk to her.”_

 _Silence. Then “_ _...I’m not having this conversation with you.”_

_“Good, then go have it with Jeongyeon.”_

_“Sana—”_

_“Stop being a coward, Im Nayeon! You can’t deflect forever. In fact, Jeongyeon’s upcoming appointment time—”_

_“Yah! Stop sharing private client information! That’s illegal, Sana!”_

_“You’re deflecting, unnie!”_

_“Still illegal!!”_

_“Deflecting!!!!”_

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Twice fanfic so I hope it's going well. Please let me know if things are too ooc/if things don't make sense, but overall, I predict this to not be that long.
> 
> Thanks for reading~


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